I've tried fast foods. I've tried desserts to get her to eat something. I've seen her pick the crusts off a nicely grilled sandwich, hot and melting with cheese. and not eat the rest. I've seen her throw food directly into the garbage bin. When I told her they were going to throw me in jail, she stopped to think for a minute or two. Then I told her she was starting to look emaciated, she looked at her arm (which is pretty skinny). I just started giving her an Ensure for lunch to get some vitamins down her. She is responding well to that. I'm afraid if I give her sweets, she will think that is all she wants and needs.
At 82 I eat one meal a day, as does 84 year old partner, who is skinny as a rail due to GERD and little appetite. He spreads his meals of necessity into small amounts throughout the day. Given he weighs VERY little, my partner is still told by docs they are amazed at his great blood pressure readings, his stamina, his balance, and the lack of plague in his arteries. So go figure. They aren't at all worried. Figuring the statistics we have both still outlived our sell-by dates.
Allow your elder now, who is in the very last stages of life, to eat when, if, and how much she likes. I say that as an old, retired RN
With your mother bedridden it's now time to discuss hospice and palliative care with her doctors, and with mom herself if she's up to discussing and decision making.
PS: Chocolate ensure makes a nifty milkshake with a bit of icecream, but only if she wants it.
Some things have remedies. But aging and death does not.
We didn't have the benefit of the knowledge that when the body is shutting down, the person doesn't eat and forcing food is actually very harmful for them. But fortunately my MIL didn't try to humor us and just kept sending back the trays untouched, and we didn't push.
I'm sorry you may be coming to the end. Consult her doctor and see what s/he thinks about hospice. The hospice nurses will be good source of information as to what's coming. BTW, if she actually wants sweets, it's okay to give them to her. The nutrition rules are somewhat out the window for an 88 year old.
A very important thing to remember, as I went through this with a family member, is that the body is not hungry (and will reject food) when it physiologically can't process it. The good news is that the body will also stop sending hunger signals. So your mom (if this is what's happening) will not be "starving" because she won't be feeling what we healthy people do when we're hungry. She just simply won't want food — no pain or discomfort.
Conversely, forcing food that she can't process can cause a lot of problems in the body. Food the body doesn't digest can become toxic. Sometimes the digestive system isn't moving the food along, which can lead to bloating and painful gas. And much more.
Anyhow, I'm not a doctor — just someone who witnessed this and had to learn a lot about it.
Talk with her physician, a hospice advisor, and a dietician. They can work out a healthy diet for her in whatever remaining time she has. Even if she's around another year or more, she may just eat very little. Most important is what she eats, not how much.
Last, be sure to look out for yourself during this time. However it goes, it'll be hard. The ability to which you can support and care for her in the coming months or years will greatly depend on your taking care of yourself, emotionally and physically. I wish you well. 💕
I'm glad she is responding well to the ensure.
You can mix a little orange juice with vanilla protein drinks, and make a tasty option. This is what I do for my husband. He does not eat solid foods at all.
I make a batch of protein drinks every morning to last through the day, and I am always finding ways to add something new to the mix. Cooked sweet potato is another good addition, a couple tablespoons, mashed and mixed in the blender with a protein drink, and a little juice, strawberry or orange for different flavor, and he loves it!
Try giving mom smaller meals, more like snacks, several times a day. She might only eat a few bites at a time. That's ok. Her body is slowing down, and does not need much.
Why is she bedridden?
Do you have Hospice involved?
If mom is at end of life stopping eating and drinking or at least eating or drinking very little is common and part of the dying process.
Her body does not require the same calories that you or I do.
Pleas do not stress your mom by telling her that they are going to put you in jail. That thought should not be in her mind.
If she is drinking the Ensure or other protein enriched drink that is good.
Frankly I would let her eat what she wants when she wants.
But if you don't have Hospice please contact one of your choice
there is a condition called "Failure to Thrive" and it is a condition that Hospice will accept as a diagnosis.
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