Let’s see... How do I make this short and to the point? I moved in with Mom after Stepdad passed a little more than a year ago. She can still do many things to care for herself, but has weeklong (or longer) episodes where she can’t remember things, seems confused, totally checks out on the TV (normal for her — she's been doing that for many years), and does the bare minimum. She doesn’t remember much of those periods.
I would guess she has mild to moderate dementia. It’s very difficult to know what and when to discuss seeing a Dr and getting checked. I feel that if we knew what exactly she is dealing with, I could protect her and care for her better.
How do I get her to do something if she doesn’t think it’s a problem? (Actually, I think she does know, but is hiding and afraid.) Thanks in advance.
She could have an infection causing issues. I think you need to make an excuse to get her checked out but under play real reason for the check up. Tell her youve booked yours as well sort of thing?
The old saying dont use it lose it has real meaning. Its worth getting her into a routine for doing something? The more she retreats into herself and less she does will normally set the stage to her making her self disabled really. I think first call is a doctor checkup. I wouldn't mention dementia or similar words around her tho.
My name is Deborah. I've been caring for my mother for two years a thousand miles away from my husband, family, grandchildren and friends for over 2 years.
In that short time, I have witnessed the astounding speed with which dementia increases.
My immediate goal back then, was to enforce my POA and get all of her financial interests secure.
I've achieved that, except to pay her bills online. She is 89, and says "I don't DO that." But a new day may bring less fuss about things she, has to acknowledge, she no longer has the cognition to address.
She is relatively healthy, yet refuses to use her Onoro COPD inhaler because "I think my doctor moved away." She struggles for air yet, given all the Med Directives I have, she won't let me accompany her to doctor visits, ever call her doctors, or speak to her friends.
I know this is because she doesn't want them to know exactly how far her dementia has come. I'm amazed her doctors simply send her home after any kind of visit, without reaching out to me, whom they know has Medical and Financial POA.
I, too, will eagerly await answers specific to your query. I feel like it's time to let the County Elder Care Group in to make their own assessment... I'm not comfortable just cooking, cleaning and caring any longer. She has the Human Right involving honest medical evaluations and subsequent advice and specific care.
I believe this is my last hope to give her the help she needs and certainly deserves.
God Bless, and Peace to you.
Deb🫠
that she will have week long episodes where she can't remember things.
Has mom been diagnosed with dementia?
I am wondering if this may be Vascular dementia and the episodes are stroke related.
First order of business would be to make an appointment with her doctor.
Just make the appointment.
Send the doctor a note on the Patient Portal if you have access to her medical information.
If she questions the appointment just tell her that they called and it is time for her Annual Medicare Wellness Check that Medicare requires. (you tell her that it is free and she has to have the check up to keep her insurance active)
When you speak to doctor you will describe what you are seeing and ask Doctor to call Mom with a friendly "Hi, Irma: my staff will call you for an appointment for your annual physical next week. Will be glad to see you".
Then you accompany mom to MD and ask for neuro-psyc consult for the check up for dementia. Be certain she takes along a urinalysis to the lab.
Best of luck to you. It is very good to get a medical baseline going here now. Then start a daily diary for yourself.
Your mother likely suffers from anosognosia rather than "denial", as my mother did. She passed at 95 with advanced dementia insisting there was nothing wrong with HER, it was the others in her Memory Care who were "stupid" and "morons". It's a difficult thing to deal with for us, their complete lack of awareness. Anyway, there's nothing much to do for them if the suffer from dementia anyway, except treat depression and anxiety with medications.
Tell her it's the law she go for a physical for Medicare even though you know there's nothing wrong with her. Contact the PCP beforehand and tell him or her your concerns, and ask for cognitive testing.
Good luck to you.
You can always lie to her and tell her that Medicare is now requiring she go in once a year for a physical, and then you either drop the doctor a note with everything else you see going on with your mom prior to her appt. or you contact her doctor via the patient portal with the information and let them takes things from there.
Otherwise you're just going to have to wait until an "incident" happens that requires medical attention and voice your concerns then.