Hello everyone, I placed my mother into a local retirement home (24 hour nurse, laundry, room cleaning). It is a one room apartment with a little kitchenette, (mom makes morning coffee and has sweetrolls) and television (the remote drives her crazy sometimes). She's been there almost three years. Her dementia has been a very "slow burn," if you will. In fact I can see signs of it 15-20 years ago. After fracturing three ribs in her house three years ago, I realized it's time. Also I learned she would get lost while driving, (at 93 her doctor had her license revoked after I told her about this). When she stopped driving, she got really angry. She calls me 5-20 times per day to leave angry messages. About a year ago I placed her on "ignore" so I can check her messages when I have energy. I try to call her 2-3 times per day and she's always happy to hear from me. But her angry voicemails include looping - "I need my car", "I need to get out of here", "I need to get back to my house." I tell her to go downstairs and mingle but she says she doesn't want to make new friends at her age. I spoke with her doctor about something for her agitation and he said, "Is it for her or for you?" Meaning, do I want to drug my mother so I won't have to deal with her constant angry messages. I admitted that it would make me happier to see my mother not be so upset. I would really like it if she would just start to relax. She hasn't even moved out of her suitcase - refusing to do it. I'm planning on just doing it for her, but she finds solace in thinking she's on a trip and will be going home sometime. Anyway, any advice on drugs or not would be greatly appreciated, (something that would mimic a glass of wine, which made her quite happy). I had to start giving her non-alcoholic wine due to diarrhea and a "darkness" that would descend on her. Advice on anything would be appreciated! Thank you.
Get mom a new doctor who's familiar with dementia and who will write a prescription for Ativan or something similar that will help MOM calm down a bit. My mother had good results with Ativan when her dementia had advanced to the point where she insisted I was hiding her parents and siblings in the closets at her Memory Care. She was on a futile quest to find them all the time but the Ativan and max dose Wellbutrin helped.
Also, any doctor that cannot understand OUR stress and anxiety over a situation like this has no business practicing medicine.
Good luck to you.
Mom needs a better doctor who won't brush you (or her) off. She's 96 and knows she won't be around much longer. She is justifiably anxious. Mom needs some form of calming medication, to take the edge off. You should be making that happen, whatever it takes. Keep bringing the non-alcoholic wine, too.
You should take her down to lunch or dinner sometime? Find out about any activities or hobbies she could do? She's probably agitated later in the day and not feeling social at all....just anxious and bored. Sounds like sundowning to me. Tell this to her (hopefully) new doctor.
Mom may need Memory Care, which gives her more personal attention and a higher level of care.
First thing is to get your mother to see a doctor who has expertise and doesn't brush you and her off. Medications can't restore her memory but they can calm her down.
Second, it sound like your mother needs a memory care facility, where they can provide the higher level of care that she needs.
"I would like my mother to see a doctor about her constant anxiety and agitation. I would like to speak to the Doc about her calls to me in terms of distress and frequency. I would like my mother medicated to keep her comfortable and more content".
They are acting as though your request for medical advice is out of order.
It isn't.
I wish you the best of luck.
Maybe an antidepressant will help your mother.
So sorry you are going through this.
The meds are for *her*, for her Sundowning, because she cannot control it and dementia robs her of her ability to bring herself to a place of peace and contentedness. Her current doc is a dope. Seek a new one.
Someone will need to administer meds to her. She will forget, or think she doesn't need them. She may be in danger of overdosing herself if left to her own devices.
Please educate yourself about dementia: what it is, how it changes our LOs and how to better interact with those who have it. It only gets worse for them. Teepa Snow has some helpful videos on YouTube.
Are you her PoA? If not, is anyone?
Has she been seen by a doc who specializes in dementia?
Treating your mom's behavioral symptoms is not "drugging" her. It's replacing chemicals in her brain that aren't being produced any longer. A low dose of an antidepressant may help.
Also, are these angry phone calls at a certain time of day--late afternoon/evening? That's called "sundowning".