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They do everything together and she controls his time with needing to go to the store, hair, every errand, then she has to eat at exactly five o'clock and up at 6. I am getting used to the schedule although mine was different but she is very critical of everything I do, she talks under her breath when I am around, called me lazy the first day and he acts like I should just jump in and start cleaning or helping her and when I do she tells me she doesn't need help or something and it's very awkward now when I am around her. On almost every date night we have Mom along and if she's not happy about something then look out. I give her no reason to not like m, I am cordial and am really trying to be nice but now I feel like I want to avoid her because she makes me feel so uncomfortable and if I am to be with him, I have to get along with her but I can't read between the lines of either of them in what I should be doing around the house. I have offered and stepped in and she just huffs. On top of that he told me she reads all my texts and I told him those are personal and why and he said because he doesn't keep anything from her. Help I really like him, but I think he is afraid of losing her and since she is 90 wants to take care of her because he feels obligated and I see he is very stressed and needs help around his house with cleaning and cooking and such but not sure where or when to jump in I am not lazy by far but when I am with him on his off days or nights from work and weekends I don't really want to clean someone else's house and take over the chauffeuring which I don't really mind, but have a hard time getting around to a date without her and trying to get him to show his mother I am an important person in his life too.

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Any man who takes his mother along on a DATE and let's her read his girlfriend's texts is not a man but a big fat baby who's still not able to cut the umbilical cord, never mind the apron strings! I'd say this person has serious mental health issues and I cannot imagine why on earth you're putting up with such disrespect and pure nonsense!
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Dawn88 Apr 13, 2025
100% agree!
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If she’s reading your texts on your phone, change the settings so she can’t open it. If she’s reading them on his, stop texting him or tell BF that’s it’s an invasion of privacy and he must set his phone so she has no access.

Actually, he’s already married to his mom and they’ve made you their willing and sympathetic servant. Yes, SERVANT. Your boyfriend doesn’t really love you. No one treats someone he loves the way BF treats you. I foresee nothing but misery in this for you. Walk away while you can. You’re better off alone rather than in this sad and miserable arrangement. I wish you luck, but hopefully not with this loser.
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MG8522 Apr 13, 2025
Yes, they are both just using you.
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Why in the world are you wasting your time on him?! Break up and find an adult to have a relationship with.
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There is a saying that girlfriends do not do wifely things. When women act in this manner toward men it smells desperation, and it causes them to disrespect them.

No, you do not need to clean for either of them. The mother resents you being around, so if I were in your shoes, I would not hang around where I'm not wanted.

Your boyfriend doesn't seem like the type to place you and your relationship as a priority. Do not make other people a priority when they treat you like an option.

No disrespect to Oedipus, but let him continue to date his mother. You go live your life even if it is no more than sitting in your living room enjoying a good movie while having a snack.
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BurntCaregiver Apr 14, 2025
Well said, Scampie. Never be an 'option' to anyone.
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Your boyfriend is dating his mother not you . The showing her your texts is totally wrong . The fact that you haven’t dumped him yet means you need to go to therapy to learn why this whole situation is not healthy for you .
This isn’t about him feeling obligated . This is most likely the relationship they have always had .
Don’t clean a thing and Dump him . Learn about what a healthy relationship is .
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Reply to waytomisery
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You don't ask an actual question but I still have an answer:

dump him today.

Don't take him back for any reason.

He's a fixer-upper that requires too much sweat equity.

You can find better.
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BurntCaregiver Apr 14, 2025
TRUTH! ^^^
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I see Mom as #1 and I really don't see where you fit in at all. Date night and Mom comes along. Thats not a date. I so hope you don't live with them. I like "GFs don't do wifely duties." If your not living there, you should not be cleaning. If your living there, time to find a place of your own. If Mom is 90, neither of your are young. I don't see a future with this man and don't understand why you put up with this stuff. Or are you having doubts and need someone to help you decide "Its time to move on". Well, I will say it, time to move on.
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BurntCaregiver Apr 14, 2025
Amen to that, Joann.
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Norman Bates.

If he invites you to spend the night at their hotel, run like hell.
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MicheleDL Apr 14, 2025
That's a riot.
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If this is YOUR house...give them their walking papers. You may have to legally evict them
If this is HIS house. Move out.
If this is HER house Move out.
YOU are not important to him. You are not a priority in his life.
Actually it is a good thing that you have found this out now.
And PLEASE do NOT have children with this mommas boy.
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Is this post for real?! I cannot fathom being in a relationship where I played a far distant second fiddle to a ninety year old. I feel like I’m being pranked. If this is for real, run today, and find a better life. Every day on your own would be far superior to this mess
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notgoodenough Apr 14, 2025
1000% agree!

Just the issue of bf showing mommie dearest the text messages between him and the OP should be enough to send anyone running for cover!
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