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Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I don't mean to down play the seriousness of your situation or anyone's in any way by the toddler comment, only that my impression of my Mom comes across that way to me.
Oh, Roger, I'm so sorry. I don't have much to offer. I would prob let the director know (so they can provide more support), and then just visit often and show him lots and lots of love. I visited Dad every day, took treats several times a week, took him for walks, played cards, brought my grandkids. It wasn't the life he wanted, but it was what I could do.
Hi Rodger, I share your pain. I just visited my mom (95) yesterday and she said (again) that she wanted to die. (She is stage 6-7 Alzheimer's but she knows she wants it to end.)
I know that's different than saying she wants to kill herself but the end result would be the same.
Maybe your dad is a bit younger and can still get around. (My mom can't.) It's so tough for them to lose their independence.
Whenever anyone says they want to kill themselves, it's a cry for help. Your dad isn't coping with some part of his life (probably being in a facility). I would see if a psychologist, therapist or psychiatrist specializing in the elderly, could visit him or you could take him to their office. Talk therapy can help and medications can also. Is he taking antidepressants?
It is so disheartening when our loved ones speak like this. We've tried to place them in the best possible care facility, visit as often as possible, bring treats and yet they're unhappy. But we can't be responsible for their happiness. It's possible they wouldn't be happy in any setting.
Also, you could try therapy for yourself. It's a complicated situation and sometimes it helps to talk to someone.
Please don't take what he says personally. It's no reflection on you or your love for him.
I've tried all kinds of answers with my mom. The one that gets her to stop is, "God's not ready to take you yet." I try to acknowledge her feelings-her body is tired, her friends are gone, etc. How can I replace those things with something positive? I can't. It will never be the way it "was".
Just keep doing what you're doing. Tell him you'd be devastated if he ever did something like that. Tell him you understand how difficult it must be to adapt to a completely different lifestyle. Be compassionate.
Make sure the facility knows about these statements so they can make sure his environment is safe.
You should definitely let the staff know what's going on, they can take precautions. My Mom has threatened to shoot herself, bash others in with her 8lb dumb bell weights, and who knows what else. Most of it is just her way of expressing her frustration, but the staff removed all her scissors and her dumb bells. They weren't taking any chances. There is one in particular who told me she was worried about Mom hurting herself either accidentally or on purpose, but although Mom spent years being mildly depressed and anxious, she never talked about taking her own life, so I think in some ways it is just how she is expressing her feelings. Like a toddler escalating the situation because that's how they hope to gain some influence.
The first requires a thorough and immediate risk assessment, followed by the removal of means. What does the memory care management say about it?
The second, while no less agonising for you to have to hear, is understandable. You can offer love, diversions, company; but you can't give him himself back. Do you have emotional support for yourself while you're going through this with him?
Memory care will probably do what so many do, laugh it off and don't take it seriously, or even try to reassure that there is little chance he would go through with his "plans"
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I share your pain. I just visited my mom (95) yesterday and she said (again) that she wanted to die. (She is stage 6-7 Alzheimer's but she knows she wants it to end.)
I know that's different than saying she wants to kill herself but the end result would be the same.
Maybe your dad is a bit younger and can still get around. (My mom can't.) It's so tough for them to lose their independence.
Whenever anyone says they want to kill themselves, it's a cry for help. Your dad isn't coping with some part of his life (probably being in a facility). I would see if a psychologist, therapist or psychiatrist specializing in the elderly, could visit him or you could take him to their office. Talk therapy can help and medications can also. Is he taking antidepressants?
It is so disheartening when our loved ones speak like this. We've tried to place them in the best possible care facility, visit as often as possible, bring treats and yet they're unhappy. But we can't be responsible for their happiness. It's possible they wouldn't be happy in any setting.
Also, you could try therapy for yourself. It's a complicated situation and sometimes it helps to talk to someone.
Please don't take what he says personally. It's no reflection on you or your love for him.
I've tried all kinds of answers with my mom. The one that gets her to stop is, "God's not ready to take you yet." I try to acknowledge her feelings-her body is tired, her friends are gone, etc.
How can I replace those things with something positive? I can't. It will never be the way it "was".
Just keep doing what you're doing. Tell him you'd be devastated if he ever did something like that. Tell him you understand how difficult it must be to adapt to a completely different lifestyle. Be compassionate.
Make sure the facility knows about these statements so they can make sure his environment is safe.
Sometimes we can't "fix" everything. ☹️
The first requires a thorough and immediate risk assessment, followed by the removal of means. What does the memory care management say about it?
The second, while no less agonising for you to have to hear, is understandable. You can offer love, diversions, company; but you can't give him himself back. Do you have emotional support for yourself while you're going through this with him?