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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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We have a small home picked out and want to know what the best way for this transition is? We will be bringing her bed and dresser with her but want to know the best way to support her in this move.
When I placed my Mom she was maybe in her 6th stage. Someone stayed with her why we moved her furniture to her room at the AL. I did not tell her what was happening until we were in the car and she asked where we were going. I told her to her own apt where she will meet new people. My Mom acclimated very well, I was lucky.
Wow JoAnn29, lucky is right!! I’m so glad you had a peaceful experience with the transition! We did the same thing and it was the most traumatic transfer. It’s been three months now and while it is exponentially better for us, it is still very difficult for her. I keep telling myself that all we can do is the best we can!
By "we have a small home picked out" I assume you mean your mom is moving into a Board and Care (guessing as you mention taking a few items of furniture of her own)?
So much is individual. We don't really know your mom nor her readiness/willingness to go into care. We don't know her personality or how she's handling the grief of her loss. They always caution that it's wise not to make many sudden changes, moves and etc., thus adding to the drastic change of the death of a loved one. But as I say we don't KNOW your mom or her readiness. She may in fact be EAGER to get to where she is going, to make new friends, to be relieved of the caregiving she may have been doing in the recent past.
I would say just "be there". You helped arrange the choice here. You and she agree that this is the time for this move. That's a great start. Now just be there. Grief is very individual and unpredictable. Accept that there will be mourning, that there will be adjustments, and most of all LISTEN to her. Don't explain why this HAD to happen, why this is BEST to happen now; just LISTEN. When it's a tough day know it's a bad weather system you have to get through by sympathizing, understanding, and accepting that not everything in aging is positive, or has an answer. Some things just have to be lived with. And through.
My brother when he entered care had more than a few reactions: 1. "This is a bit like being young and in the army, hon. I don't much like it, but I make the best of it" 2. "I think I missed commune living when we two were young. But I imagine it's kind of like this. We have community meetings in the cottage to work out arguments about who wants the blinds UP in the dining room and who wants them DOWN."
He was pragmatic, kind, always trying to let us know it wasn't perfect but he was OK. One of a kind, and a gentle soul, and I hope mom is similar. I wish you all the very best.
Sheand, welcome to the forum. For my elderly Dad, when he moved into senior living, I made sure his bedroom was set up identical to the one he had at home. That way if he woken in the middle of the night, he knew he was in his own bedroom.
Another thing, if there are things that your Mom really treasured, if possible, bring those items. For my Dad it was all his books, and luckily his bookcases were able to fit in his room. Those books made Dad feel more secure.
I had the same thing with my mom. We had to put her in the nursing home side because she could not take care of herself and she needed someone there 24 hours a day. It was the best thing thing for her. They do lots of activities with them and she has some of her belongings in her room. We had to sell her house because we had to get her on Medicade but she is very happy and safe.
If she has her bedroom decorated with pictures on the walls or objects on surfaces, take pictures before you start dismantling and packing to help replicate the setup at the new place. Same with what's in drawers or how closet is arranged. Add those notes to boxes where possible (i.e., "top drawer dresser", "dresser top items"). You won't be able to replicate it exactly as every move typically includes some downsizing and the space will be different, but it may help with familiarity.
My condolences for your father’s loss besides your mother’s. This very difficult transition will take your mother time to heal. I wish her the best care possibly meeting new friends to help her through grief.
Regarding my mother’s situation:: she was age 92 and still lived in our condo. I took care of her at our in CA for as long as possible until several falls at home sent her to assisting living. She was then 93, God Bless her.
My brother moved her from our CA place to an AL in OR near his and his wife’s place where she received better care than I could do anymore. An ombudsman helped her into her transition. I contacted her weekly and as always, she expressed coming back to our place in CA which was no longer possible. I told my mother we can talk to our social workers and my brother about it. Then she forgot and I changed the subject.
Yes, I had professional help for myself to cope with since I was also unemployed and had to return back to work at age 57. Both of us were on a very difficult transition. I did visit Mom about three more times until she passed away at age 95.
Set up her new home to look as much like her current home. She will settle in much sooner in a place that looks familiar. Help her with consistent routines so she will come to know what to expect throughout her day. If her dementia is recent and more mild, she may just need gentle reminders that this is her new home and that her hubby is no longer here. If her dementia is more severe, she may require mild anti-anxiety medications to help her to remain calm until she becomes used to her new home and routines.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So much is individual. We don't really know your mom nor her readiness/willingness to go into care. We don't know her personality or how she's handling the grief of her loss. They always caution that it's wise not to make many sudden changes, moves and etc., thus adding to the drastic change of the death of a loved one.
But as I say we don't KNOW your mom or her readiness. She may in fact be EAGER to get to where she is going, to make new friends, to be relieved of the caregiving she may have been doing in the recent past.
I would say just "be there". You helped arrange the choice here. You and she agree that this is the time for this move. That's a great start.
Now just be there. Grief is very individual and unpredictable. Accept that there will be mourning, that there will be adjustments, and most of all LISTEN to her. Don't explain why this HAD to happen, why this is BEST to happen now; just LISTEN. When it's a tough day know it's a bad weather system you have to get through by sympathizing, understanding, and accepting that not everything in aging is positive, or has an answer. Some things just have to be lived with. And through.
My brother when he entered care had more than a few reactions:
1. "This is a bit like being young and in the army, hon. I don't much like it, but I make the best of it"
2. "I think I missed commune living when we two were young. But I imagine it's kind of like this. We have community meetings in the cottage to work out arguments about who wants the blinds UP in the dining room and who wants them DOWN."
He was pragmatic, kind, always trying to let us know it wasn't perfect but he was OK.
One of a kind, and a gentle soul, and I hope mom is similar. I wish you all the very best.
Another thing, if there are things that your Mom really treasured, if possible, bring those items. For my Dad it was all his books, and luckily his bookcases were able to fit in his room. Those books made Dad feel more secure.
Hope everything works out for your Mom :)
Regarding my mother’s situation::
she was age 92 and still lived in our condo. I took care of her at our in CA for as long as possible until several falls at home sent her to assisting living. She was then 93, God Bless her.
My brother moved her from our CA place to an AL in OR near his and his wife’s place where she received better care than I could do anymore. An ombudsman helped her into her transition. I contacted her weekly and as always, she expressed coming back to our place in CA which was no longer possible. I told my mother we can talk to our social workers and my brother about it. Then she forgot and I changed the subject.
Yes, I had professional help for myself to cope with since I was also unemployed and had to return back to work at age 57. Both of us were on a very difficult transition. I did visit Mom about three more times until she passed away at age 95.