My father and I have told her that she cannot go anywhere, especially church (which she likes), if she does not bathe. She insists on doing it herself, but she cannot dress herself correctly and she is starting to have more accidents with her bowels. We have been approved for one assisted living facility, but are still waiting on a bed.
Should we hire someone to come to the house to change and bathe her? Will these services actually physically force someone to change and bathe?
I'd call the doctor and get mom on some calming meds before you do anything else. Dementia often reaches the point where antidepressants and calming meds are required for them to stay less agitated in general.
My mother was insisting the shower floor was slippery in her Memory Care. It wasn't, but her PERCEPTION was that it was. I bought her a pair of water shoes on Amazon and that solved the problem. Other elders with dementia do not like standing under the water. Do you have a hand held shower head? That gives them more control. Some don't want to be naked, so they wear a bathing suit. Try to figure out what is scaring your mom about the shower? Is she cold? What can you fix for her. One elder was afraid of her reflection in the mirror, so towels had to be put up on the mirrors.
Once you get her to a calmer state of mind in general and a bit more cooperative, then hire a shower aide to come in and bathe her. It's not an option mom, so Tues and Fri from 1 to 2 Sue will shower you, then we'll have ice cream.
Good luck to you.
When you want her to take a bath or shower do you just say "mom, you have to take a shower"?
With dementia doing simple tasks like taking a shower, brushing teeth, toileting is no longer simple.
Think about how many steps there actually are to taking a shower.
Get towels ready
Get clean clothes ready
Get the water temperature just right
Get into the shower
Wet your hair,
Lather your hair
And on and on.
And each of those steps have steps to do before you get to the goal.
It is confusing. And what happens when you miss one thing in all that. Or the fear that you will not do it right.
Then there is the fear of slipping, the loud sounds, the water beating on your head and chest.
Start with a shower bench or chair.
make sure she is comfortable.
let her control the shower wand. But start by directing the water to her feet and legs.
Give her the washcloth, let her help.
Talk to her in a quiet voice, lower the pitch of your voice as well.
If you can turn the water off between wetting and soaping. The water is loud and splashes.
Set out the clothes for her to put on. No more than 2 options so it is not confusing.
If she is not wearing disposable incontinence underwear replace all her underwear with disposable pull up type.
If you can get 2 or 3 showers in a week that is great, don't stress if you can't do more.
Just make sure that you or dad is cleaning her well between showers.
(I do hope she is being monitored in the bathroom when she is toileting.)
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-help-with-bathing-and-personal-hygiene-top-tips-from-caregivers-212010.htm