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Hi everyone,
I'm looking for advice on adult incontinence products for my elderly mother who has dementia. We're dealing with a specific situation and I really need help finding the right product.
The main challenge: She has fecal incontinence with soft stool leakage. We need a product that can effectively prevent stool from moving forward and contaminating the urethral area, as she's prone to UTIs.
What I'm specifically looking for:
Adult diapers with strong containment barriers
Design that prevents forward movement of fecal matter
I've heard about products with "dual containment systems" or special barrier designs, but I would really appreciate hearing about your real experiences:
Which brands/products have worked best for similar situations?
Any specific features I should look for?
Tips for proper fitting and changing frequency?
Thank you in advance for any advice or recommendations. This is really affecting her health with recurring UTIs, so I'm hoping to find a better solution.

I said to myself yesterday that I wouldn't answer incontinent supply questions again! Ha ha. Now I feel guilty about leaving you here with no answers.
You are new here, dj, so let me first of all welcome you to the page.

Do know that we have a huge history of questions that are asked over and over such as this one, and the "stages of Alzheimer's" and so on. If you go to the timeline top of the page, to the right you can access a search bar. There type in "best diapers" and you will see a host--year's worth, in fact--of attempts at this question, of opinions about what is best in the supply sections. Research there for, I would bet, all the things you already tried.

HOWEVER, what you are wanting in terms of a barrier between feces and urethra in an incontinent woman? Not happening.
IF anyone designs such a thing then Elon Musk will look like a poor man, because female bladder infection is one of the most difficult things to prevent and manage out there, and can have such dire consequences. A product that does what you are asking would be impossible to keep on the shelves.
As an RN I can assure you that the problem here is not so much the right diaper as the wrong design--(speak to God?). And the aging process.

With menopause the naturally "plump" tissue of the outer urethra thins. It allows ANY bacteria to creep in and up the VERY short urethra right on into the bladder. Lucky men. Both their urethra's placement and its length helps them avoid this problem.

Women have nothing BUT trying a hormone cream to plump the tissue up again. As often with age they are also experiencing frequency, the cream is washed off with urine in minutes. Doesn't work well.
They can also try D-Mannose or cranberry pills, the former supplement kept me infection free for two decades after suffering frequent infections. Now not working as well, as two infections last year.

Another thing you can try is to make the stools have less frequency and more solidity. Sometimes Citrucel (no metamucil) can give a daily formed stool in the a.m. and a good cleanoff with not a lot more in terms of stool. Bidet seats run about 350.00 on Amazon. Bidet toilets much more.

This is a difficult problem. A gerontologist as doctor will be the best doc with a satchel full of suggestions, but this is going to be an ongoing problem to manage, and I wish there WAS a good answer.
Just try different products for absorbency and try to cleanse well after stool and have the loved one try to pee to clear the urethra after cleansing, but I suspect you are doomed to try to deal with this ongoing.

And if YOU find the best product do let us know. Because as you will see when you research (do youtube incontinence care as well) this is an ongoing serious issue for all elder women.

Good luck, and welcome to the Forum. We have here more questions than answers to be certain!
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djsdjs Jan 31, 2025
While I am disappointed and saddened by the reality you reveal, thank you for saving me the time of blind searching.
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