Once she could not take care of herself they abandoned her. They never even ask me if I needed help economically. If my family has not help I do not know what I would have done. Now she is dying and I am still alone with my family taking care of her, losing her day by day and my sisters and brother that could have been here are not. My mother was a good mom and a really good human being. I feel so angry, I do not think I could ever talk to them again. I am so tired, physically and emotionally and yet my partner and my family have been there for me and my mother. How can a child abandoned a mother that was so good to them?
For some...they don't handle sickness or death well or don't know how to handle it.
For others, it's much easier to ignore it or act as though it's not happening. Makes them feel better (not a downer). Yet, for others it could be pressures from other sources that keep them away such as a job, a controlling spouse etc. Could be a combination of more than one scenario.
I grew up in a loving family. Our parents were wonderful. No dysfunction here. However, when the goin' started to get tough with my parents' declining health, my brother used these moments to take a vacation or volunteer for a job overseas. When he was around and my sister and I would ask him to do something for his parents he would cop an attitude saying he would only do the chore (mow the yard, shovel snow etc) if requested by my father, who notoriously won't ask for help for anything. (You know what they say about men won't ask for directions? That's my dad!)
Before my brother's second overseas jaunt (for a year) he was reminded of our parents' declining health and other things going on in the family that could use his involvement...he shrugged those concerns off saying coldly...'I can't put my life on hold as other lives are ending.'
It's quite common, as you can see from previous posts, that there is at least 1 member of the family that is remote or distant. You probably can't change it, so don't give these people another thought. It will bring you down. You have more important and substantial things to consume your time and thoughts. The others may have regrets later for their lack of helping out and being there (though don't count on it). You can sleep at night knowing you did everything that you could for your mother. Good for you! Your siblings could/would have added some interference anyway. You are only responsible for you and your mother. They have to take responsibility for themselves. Concentrate on you and your mother. Forget about them.
got her on the proper meds and her angry outbursts have stopped.
My older brother lives a few blocks from me and his excuse for not stopping by or calling my Mom is, He say's, Mom does better just one on one with me so he does not want to interefere. BS, that is his justification. My other 2 brothers do not even call her. My other 2 sisters, never call either. We all live in teh same area.
I now realize, that we have our reality of growing up. Our stories are all different. I also realize, that they are just not equipped to deal with this change. Not all people are cut out to care and watch a loved one slowly slip away from us. For whatever reason they choose not to be present in her care, it is thier choice. In the end, I believe they will all have to deal with thier own guilt for not being around at a time whne they should be. Times like this really show a person character.
Holding it against them is not going to help anyone. I do know this, when all is said in done, I do look at my siblings alot differently and always will from here on out.
You are doing the right thing for your Mom and you. That shows the type of person you are. You are a wnderfull daughter and person. My partner has also been great though this new transition in our lifes. But, she and her son will be moving so my Mom will be more comfortable in my home. For some reason, Josh makes her aggitated.
Anyways, enjoy this time with your Mom. Make every minute count for her and you.
You are awesome...
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