In the living room sits my ex-wife, with her obligatory Mothers Day bouquet and her helium inflated balloon that says "Happy Mothers Day, Mom" from one of her (2) sons. None of her 3 children bother to call, nor have they bothered to call or write going on a year now. Back story, I've been with the love of my life for 35 years tomorrow May 9th. Yes, we divorced in 2004 as she became a very hateful person and I detest those type of people. I needed a break from that turmoil, so I walked out. She filed and I never objected to any of her demands in the divorce decree. She kept the house but I was free. I was gone for 4 years, in that time I realized there was a problem with her cognizant mind, and I knew back then there would be no one to step up, and I was correct as it turns out. We have no children together, but she has 3 from a previous failed relationship, however I truly liked her 2 boys. Her daughter not so much.
My ex-wife also has 2 brothers and a narcissistic sister for a total of 6 family members. Today is Mothers Day. Other than the obligatory helium filled balloon there has been no phone calls no cards or letters and my late stage Lewy-bodies Dementia riddled ex-wife knows its Mothers Day or I think she knows it's Mothers Day because of the Helium filled balloon which says Happy Mothers Day Mom.
Am I wrong in my anger / disdain / resentment for these people who never call or write in these trying times? They offer no help no encouragement no appreciation for what I am doing for THEIR mother, THEIR sister. They have completely abandoned her except for a Helium filled balloon. It's just not today. For a year now, they have done nothing, offered nothing except for a single Helium filled balloon. This balloon should have been filled with love, compassion and understanding, but there was none of that. Yesterday, when the flower delivery people showed up to deliver this package, I detested the gesture. Am I wrong?
edit: My ex is 78 Years, I am 74
like some of the comments here? I've been referred to a Resentful, Bitter and selfish.
Guess I should just move on.
Who goes back to an ex wife and assumes the enormous task of full time caregiving with LBD??????????? Frankly, it makes no sense.
Don't expect her children to take on the burden you chose to take on yourself. Not everyone wants such a responsibility or feels they owe it to their mother, either.
Get her placed so you can get rid of this resentment you're feeling and move on with your own life. You divorced the woman for a reason. Martyring yourself now serves no useful purpose really. Her children probably don't appreciate what you're doing and she herself probably doesn't realize what you're doing. So why are you doing it?
What you're 'wrong' about is your attitude that anyone owes this woman anything, including YOU.
Look into placement for her in a quality Memory Care ALF asap. That's my suggestion. Before YOU get eaten up alive by bitterness and/or resentment. It's not worth it.
1st off, I would be calling the police on the free loading, abusive daughter. It is completely unacceptable that she is screaming at her mom and financially exploiting her. She needs to be prosecuted for this abuse. You can video tape her and call the police.
2nd - you can reach out to her family and ask them to help you find community services to help you take care of your ex-wife. If they won't, then please do this yourself, for your well-being and hers.
You are obviously burned out and need to take care of yourself, because you matter too.
Perhaps the counsel on aging for your county can come do a needs assessment and help you place her in a facility so you can go back to being her loving husband and not her full-time caregiver. They are a great resource for available resources.
I was raised by a miserable, hateful human being. I tried for decades to have an adult relationship with her, she wouldn't have it. Her terms only. I got tired of feeling like I was doing something wrong by having boundaries and enforcing them, so I went minimum contact. It makes me sad and I wish it was different but, it isn't. It sounds like your wife has sucked her family dry and they aren't willing to step in and receive more of her toxic waste, I can totally sympathize with her family, a person can only take so much before it becomes a self preservation decision. You can not expect others to step in because you chose too.
If the balloon is causing her heartache, remove it and let her enjoy the flowers.
I want to tell you thank you for stepping up and helping this woman. It was an amazing gift, that from your description of her, not many would have done.
I’m a mom, to two children, mid 30’s. My parents are diagnosed with dementia, so mom got a call yesterday, very nice chat, and I mailed an expensive, beautiful, fun singing card, that should make her smile. Being there on the exact day is not as important as being there, when possible.
Our mom is a 5-10 minute drive from my home, but today is for me. Not frustrating thoughts, stilted conversations, and I love my mom, with all my heart, but sometimes it is overwhelming, seeing them, due to how our folks wanted their elder years to be.
So I don’t judge the children, cause I only know your side of things. They may have a very different side, just my experience.
I have to agree, if u had a hard time living with her maybe the kids did too. You were able to walk away, they at one time were not.
Perhaps her children also lived with a "hateful person" and are not so forgiving as you are? I know if I was a child of a hateful person, dependent and small and riddled with their animosity through my life, they would not get so much as a helium balloon from me.
In general, and in MOST cases (certainly not all) we reap just about in full measure what has been sown. Just my observation in life. I lucked out with a marvelous marvelous Mom and Dad. Their two children honored them throughout their lives. For whatever kind of parent I have been (and there are many things I would do differently) with my own children I have begged their forgiveness, and done the best I can from that moment on. With one child I have a marvelous relationship, with the other, not so much. But when I realize what has happened with the one who doesn't wish to be as forgiving, I do take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for letting that child down. And nope, I don't expect the calls, the flowers or the hellium balloons.
Sometimes there is redemption. Sometimes there is not. And on we must go, continuing to do the best we can.
People do what they can do, but everyone's primary instinct is to protect themselves. You did it yourself by leaving, so don't judge those kids. You likely don't know half of what's going on with them. Just concern yourself with what you're doing and don't waste your energy resenting them.
Lewy Body Dementia Life Expectancy - Griswold Home Care
Lewy Body Dementia Life Expectancy The Lewy body disease life expectancy typically ranges from 5 to 8 years. There are cases of individuals living as long as 20 years after they have been diagnosed, but those cases are the exception and not the rule.
https://www.parkinsonsdaily.com › parkinsons-lewy-body-dementia-life-expectancy
Parkinson's Lewy Body Dementia Life Expectancy
However, individuals with Lewy Body Dementia have lived anywhere between 2 and 20 years depending on their age, the severity of their symptoms, and their other medical conditions. The course of Lewy Body Dementia can vary across people, but is usually "progressive but vacillating.".
You're there for her, which matters.