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Those of us that truly love our children would NEVER want them having to be our caregivers. That is not why I had children anyway. They deserve better. It's up to all of us to get our legal ducks in a row, save best we can for our futures, and do what we can to stay as healthy as possible. Our future is on us, not our children.
Saving and investing, yes, but also long-term-care insurance. That gives me peace of mind. Like Alva, I do not want to burden my adult children, and--as someone said on this forum not too long ago---have them resent my existence.
YaYa, I'm dealing with a long-term care insurance plan that my husband got many years ago. I'm glad that money is there, don't get me wrong. BUT. Dealing with the LTC company, which is rated one of the best in the US, is so difficult. For one thing, there's a 30-day exemption before they honor a claim. For another, communications by phone are extremely difficult - can't even get through sometimes. Submitting the claims is hard. They prefer online submission to their site, and that's what I prefer too. Unfortunately, they don't accept all file types, so I must convert documents to a platform that they accept. My husband has been in a hospital twice, rehab, a memory care, another memory care and had home help with a health care agency, all since last October. The LTC insurance must approve each one. The facility must submit paperwork to be approved. Both can be way behind in approving things. Keeping on top of and filing all the paperwork is a major headache for me.
IF husband instead had NOT paid premiums to the LTC insurance company and had instead opened a savings account, such as establishing a CD ladder and then renewing CDs as they matured, we'd be so much better off. It could have been given a name such as "Money Bank for My LT Care," interest would have accrued, and he'd never have touched that money no matter what. I'd be able to take money out for his care now with NO messy approval process, as I'd be able to use any facility I think best. It would be available instantly, no forms to submit.
Best of all, every bit of money invested in our own LT Care account would be ours. An LTC policy takes your premiums, invests them to benefit themselves, and has the use of that money until you have a claim, at which time they take their own sweet time in paying it.
Just my take. I have been following my own plan for some time, and glad I did it that way.
I see PoA/legal guardianship as an urgent issue for those who have no relatives or trustworthy people/friends to step into this role.
I did a basic browser search for "non-profit legal guardian organizations+MN" and multiple places popped up. One of them was Lutheran Social Services, which is the org that provided the court-ordered legal guardian for my SFIL (obviously contracted by the state or county). We were very satisfied (and pleasantly surprised) at the care and compassion that the guardian provided. There was also several layers of transparency with higher-ups and also accountability. All calls included a 3rd person from the organization (oversite for the primary guardian) and all emails were cc'd to same as well.
I have no idea how much something like this costs but I am thinking it is an essential part of your aging/decline plan.
I'm going to self-report this so admins can move it Discussions.
I like Alva's advice. Save, save, save. It's what I'm doing, but not sure it will be enough. I'm trying to take walks, have a clean diet and just save. I don't have children, but I do have two nieces and a nephew, and I already know not to depend on them. I wouldn't even look for them to help me. I live in a cheap, small apartment. I often want to move and buy, but don't want to spend a lot of money owning, so I live below my means, if you will. It sounds cruel and awful, but I just don't want to get old. It's not what I want, of course. God decides, but I just don't. Seeing how my aunt with dementia is with no children, but she has nieces and a nephew close by who do not want to be bothered, unless they want something. They begged her to move near them, possibly to help them out, but now that she's in need, they have scattered, or tried to push her off on me. I just have to take it one day at at time, and like Alva said, save, work and hope for some good luck along the way.
I've created and organized computer documents about every important aspect of my life. Financial accounts and where to find passwords, social security info, pension info, every single thing I do to run our home (in a document titled "How To Run This Household"), deeds, titles and other legal documents such as my Will scanned to my computer, lists of doctors, disposition of personal possessions. Prepaid funeral plan. Every expense possible is on autopay so that my executor won't have to scramble around figuring out how to keep things going in a stressful time when still mourning my death. Hard copies of these documents are stored in a safe place.
BUT since I've saved everything digitally, all 125 of these documents are saved to a couple of thumb drives, both drives containing the same info. And I've sent the digital folder by DropBox to my executor. She stores it in The Cloud, and a thumb drive is in her safe deposit box.
Most of our heirs work with computers. All of mine do. Long ago I decided that none of them would appreciate paper files or cutesie scrapbooks. Too hard to work with when most things must be done by computer.
I resolved many years ago when my parents left me with a mess of 3 houses cluttered with belongings they collected over 70 years, office building with files going back 50 years and crammed into cardboard boxes and standing file cabinets that hadn't been opened in 20 years, and money in accounts they'd forgotten about, and not enough money in accounts they remembered, that I wouldn't do that to my kids.
My family knows I have enough money scrimped and saved to take care of me! I will not cost them one penny. I never got to go to Paris, though. Sigh. I wish I'd done that before Covid hit and travel got to be not fun.
Wow, hats off to you! You are SUPER organized. I did some of that when I was in my 70s. I wish I'd done it all since, at 88, it seems quite overwhelming. That said, we have a fairly simple life--i.e., one HMO for healthcare, one financial advisor for our retirement funds, a binder with our annual space rent and major renovations, etc. Our Wills, POA, MPOA, prepaid funeral plan, etc. are in folders and on my computer. It's not complete, but it will be a start for our survivors. If my husband (95) and I don't live too much longer, I hope we have enough money to see us through.
You are a stellar example of what I wish I had done while I still had the organizational ability and energy to do it! Y-a-a-y for YOU!
Absolutely terrified here. Mom passed at 96, Dad at 90. So here I am at age 69 working. Hoping to last until age 70 to retire, but even that gives me pause. Hope I've saved enough to last until my 90s. Hope that Social Security and Medicare are still there for me when I need them most (who knows now that chainsaw guy is at the helm). Hope I've saved enough to hire help when I need it. You can plan and plan until the cows come home, but as some say, "you make plans and God laughs." Of course, that's not to say abandon planning, but even the best plans can go astray because of the unanticipated.
Yes!! Chainsaw Guy and "King Donald" are a highly inauspicious duo for anyone who may eventually need what used to be the safety net in America. Like any large system, it probably didn't work perfectly, but I do not believe there has ever been large scale fraud, waste or abuse.
I would never allow my children to be caregiver to me. That said, I always say here that it takes a LIFETIME of good luck, good jobs, good savings habits, coupon clipping and preparation for aging in order to reach age of being what Dave Ramsey calls "self-insured" meaning you are unlikely to outlive your income and need governmental help, and best case scenario or even LESS than best case, you should be able to afford help and make your exit without your children throwing the most carefee and vital time of their lives onto your burning funeral pyre.
When you think of it, we live too long now. Most of us into our 80s. Geaton's Aunt just passed, still strong in mind, at age 105. My SIL is 71 in a month and his Mom still alive at 92, alive and kicking in fact. He is recently retired. My daughter, his wife, retires in another year. Their child is raised and educated and on his own. THIS is the time for them, with a paid mortgage, to enjoy themselves, travel, do the things they love with NO obligation from an old bat like me, 83 years old.
It's a problem. And more and more of a problem I fear in the future. Once the thought was that we were an aging population and because there are so many of us, there would be creations of lovely metropoli for us everywhere. Money began to be invested into elder care. But nope. Hedgefunds and Corporations that a decade ago thought there was money in this have decided there is NOT, and may be even less in future, and are fleeing the ship like so many rats in the know.
So my advice? Save save save save and work work work (hopefully at something you love). Don't put money into supporting aging relatives; you will soon enough need it. Do not depend on your children. Stay as well as you are able--walk, engage with life, eat a decent diet, and live for the day. No matter WHAT you do, tomorrow can't be assured, or predicted. You do the best you can; we are all different; we all make different choices for ourselves.
And, if you can, plan for end of life (EOL). Try to set aside a "Switzerland Fund" or the equivalent so that, hopefully, you will have some options as the end approaches. As AlvaDeer notes, private equity/hedge funds likely will continue to shed LTC facilities if they can't make generous profits for their members.
"King Donald" and his chainsaw-wielding gazillionaire best buddy are looking to make big cuts to Medicaid. These changes could leave my husband and me in a less-than-optimal position at EOL. Although we have financial resources, they are relatively modest by today's standards. (We're far from wealthy after two lengthy careers in the nonprofit sector.) I suspect that there are many elders in a similar situation.
Frankly, I seriously hope to make my Final Exit before I go broke. At 88, I think that is a reasonable, although not assured, possibility. I have never viewed our family as my retirement plan. They will need their funds for their own senior years.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It's up to all of us to get our legal ducks in a row, save best we can for our futures, and do what we can to stay as healthy as possible.
Our future is on us, not our children.
IF husband instead had NOT paid premiums to the LTC insurance company and had instead opened a savings account, such as establishing a CD ladder and then renewing CDs as they matured, we'd be so much better off. It could have been given a name such as "Money Bank for My LT Care," interest would have accrued, and he'd never have touched that money no matter what. I'd be able to take money out for his care now with NO messy approval process, as I'd be able to use any facility I think best. It would be available instantly, no forms to submit.
Best of all, every bit of money invested in our own LT Care account would be ours. An LTC policy takes your premiums, invests them to benefit themselves, and has the use of that money until you have a claim, at which time they take their own sweet time in paying it.
Just my take. I have been following my own plan for some time, and glad I did it that way.
I did a basic browser search for "non-profit legal guardian organizations+MN" and multiple places popped up. One of them was Lutheran Social Services, which is the org that provided the court-ordered legal guardian for my SFIL (obviously contracted by the state or county). We were very satisfied (and pleasantly surprised) at the care and compassion that the guardian provided. There was also several layers of transparency with higher-ups and also accountability. All calls included a 3rd person from the organization (oversite for the primary guardian) and all emails were cc'd to same as well.
I have no idea how much something like this costs but I am thinking it is an essential part of your aging/decline plan.
I'm going to self-report this so admins can move it Discussions.
I don't have children, but I do have two nieces and a nephew, and I already know not to depend on them. I wouldn't even look for them to help me.
I live in a cheap, small apartment. I often want to move and buy, but don't want to spend a lot of money owning, so I live below my means, if you will.
It sounds cruel and awful, but I just don't want to get old. It's not what I want, of course. God decides, but I just don't. Seeing how my aunt with dementia is with no children, but she has nieces and a nephew close by who do not want to be bothered, unless they want something. They begged her to move near them, possibly to help them out, but now that she's in need, they have scattered, or tried to push her off on me.
I just have to take it one day at at time, and like Alva said, save, work and hope for some good luck along the way.
BUT since I've saved everything digitally, all 125 of these documents are saved to a couple of thumb drives, both drives containing the same info. And I've sent the digital folder by DropBox to my executor. She stores it in The Cloud, and a thumb drive is in her safe deposit box.
Most of our heirs work with computers. All of mine do. Long ago I decided that none of them would appreciate paper files or cutesie scrapbooks. Too hard to work with when most things must be done by computer.
I resolved many years ago when my parents left me with a mess of 3 houses cluttered with belongings they collected over 70 years, office building with files going back 50 years and crammed into cardboard boxes and standing file cabinets that hadn't been opened in 20 years, and money in accounts they'd forgotten about, and not enough money in accounts they remembered, that I wouldn't do that to my kids.
My family knows I have enough money scrimped and saved to take care of me! I will not cost them one penny. I never got to go to Paris, though. Sigh. I wish I'd done that before Covid hit and travel got to be not fun.
You are a stellar example of what I wish I had done while I still had the organizational ability and energy to do it! Y-a-a-y for YOU!
That said, I always say here that it takes a LIFETIME of good luck, good jobs, good savings habits, coupon clipping and preparation for aging in order to reach age of being what Dave Ramsey calls "self-insured" meaning you are unlikely to outlive your income and need governmental help, and best case scenario or even LESS than best case, you should be able to afford help and make your exit without your children throwing the most carefee and vital time of their lives onto your burning funeral pyre.
When you think of it, we live too long now. Most of us into our 80s. Geaton's Aunt just passed, still strong in mind, at age 105. My SIL is 71 in a month and his Mom still alive at 92, alive and kicking in fact. He is recently retired. My daughter, his wife, retires in another year. Their child is raised and educated and on his own. THIS is the time for them, with a paid mortgage, to enjoy themselves, travel, do the things they love with NO obligation from an old bat like me, 83 years old.
It's a problem. And more and more of a problem I fear in the future. Once the thought was that we were an aging population and because there are so many of us, there would be creations of lovely metropoli for us everywhere. Money began to be invested into elder care. But nope. Hedgefunds and Corporations that a decade ago thought there was money in this have decided there is NOT, and may be even less in future, and are fleeing the ship like so many rats in the know.
So my advice? Save save save save and work work work (hopefully at something you love). Don't put money into supporting aging relatives; you will soon enough need it. Do not depend on your children. Stay as well as you are able--walk, engage with life, eat a decent diet, and live for the day.
No matter WHAT you do, tomorrow can't be assured, or predicted.
You do the best you can; we are all different; we all make different choices for ourselves.
Interesting subject for our discussion.
"King Donald" and his chainsaw-wielding gazillionaire best buddy are looking to make big cuts to Medicaid. These changes could leave my husband and me in a less-than-optimal position at EOL. Although we have financial resources, they are relatively modest by today's standards. (We're far from wealthy after two lengthy careers in the nonprofit sector.) I suspect that there are many elders in a similar situation.
Frankly, I seriously hope to make my Final Exit before I go broke. At 88, I think that is a reasonable, although not assured, possibility. I have never viewed our family as my retirement plan. They will need their funds for their own senior years.