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Right. And my mil lives with her son and I in her family home and still asks to go home. Not sure what "home " she is speaking of. She thinks her home is in Grand Rapids, MI but she has never lived there.
Jeannegibbs has it correctly. You can't make a dementia person remember something. My mother (she died a few months ago at 89) would say the same thing. I'd gently remind her she was home. I'd remind her she owned her home free and clear (a fact she was most proud of). She'd pipe up an "oh!", and she'd be happy. Of course, she'd ask a couple times a week, but I'd repeat...and repeat...
I found out the hard way that there is no point in trying to convince them that they are home. My husband would agree that the we shopped together for this floor lamp, and this is the painting his golf buddy gave us for our wedding, and all these family albums are about our family. And then he'd ask to go home again. Sigh.
If your mom has regressed in her memory to thinking she is 30 years old, she may mean the home she had when she was 30.
Many people think "home" symbolizes a time when they were safe and the world made sense.
But whatever "go home" actually means, you cannot reason someone with dementia out of wanting to do it.
Try going along with her and then changing the subject.
"I wish I could take you home right now, but the area is closed because a gas line erupted. At least we have this nice house to wait it out in. I know that there are dishes in the kitchen just like you have at home. Let's go have a slice of pie on those familiar dishes!"
"I'm sorry that the bridge has been declared unsafe and we can't get you home until it is fixed. If we could go home right now, what is the first thing you would do?" (This may give you some insight into what she is really longing for, and how you can satisfy that yearning at least partially.)
I'm not sure how much of a comfort it is, but wanting to "go home" is extremely common in dementia, even for folks who are literally in their homes.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If your mom has regressed in her memory to thinking she is 30 years old, she may mean the home she had when she was 30.
Many people think "home" symbolizes a time when they were safe and the world made sense.
But whatever "go home" actually means, you cannot reason someone with dementia out of wanting to do it.
Try going along with her and then changing the subject.
"I wish I could take you home right now, but the area is closed because a gas line erupted. At least we have this nice house to wait it out in. I know that there are dishes in the kitchen just like you have at home. Let's go have a slice of pie on those familiar dishes!"
"I'm sorry that the bridge has been declared unsafe and we can't get you home until it is fixed. If we could go home right now, what is the first thing you would do?" (This may give you some insight into what she is really longing for, and how you can satisfy that yearning at least partially.)
I'm not sure how much of a comfort it is, but wanting to "go home" is extremely common in dementia, even for folks who are literally in their homes.