I need a break. For 6 years I took care of my mother who had lewy's dementia. No help from any of 5 siblings, including the one who lives 4 miles from us. Home health, doctors, medicines, SNIFs, emergency rooms, a woman who came in to help so I could go into office 3 days/week. I work full time but work a lot from home. My mom died at home one morning 1.5 years ago. Now I have my 85 year old father who is increasingly showing memory issues, which started after my mother died. He is very difficult to get along with. Complains about everything, primarily me. I still work full time. But this past couple of days I am very very tired. Pretty much pay for everything including the caregiver who comes in 3 days/week. And still work full-time. My sister who lives 4 miles from us only comes once/month to take my dad to my mom's grave and she is back in 1 hour. This condo my dad and I live in belongs to my dad and mom. My sister is only interested in my dad's money (substantial) and she gets 1/2 in a will he signed in 2014. I get nothing which I have learned to accept. My dad cannot be left alone for 24 hours or live by himself even though he thinks he can. Yes I know about respite care but my dad won't go. My sister won't take him. I am rapidly reaching the end of my rope and don't want to end up broke and homeless. I don't expect an answer but it does help to write it down.
1. Deathbed or similar promises are not binding because of the emotional coercion that occurs in these circumstances.
2. Even a promise which was binding ceases to be valid if the circumstances result in doing evil, either to yourself or others.
Could I suggest talking this over with your spiritual adviser? All to often, we have the wrong ideas about moral issues, chiefly because we mistake social pressure and customs for true moral principles. Morality is NOT sentimentality.
It's time.
Let him use his money for AL, not your problem. You are being taken advantage of, it is up to you to stop this.
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Maybe I just don’t understand your motivation to continue this? It’s already a bad road, it’s only going to get worse and more hurtful for you emotionally and financially. This I’m sure of!
I am sorry your post hasn’t gotten more answers. First let me say that I’m sorry you are in this situation.
Give us a few more details. I get that you are very tired. That you are worried about your future and that you have no help. Does anyone have POA? Is your income sufficient to pay for your own home? Will you inherit the condo or does that go to the sibs as well?
As the will is written now, are you saying that you are expected to continue to live with your father, pay his bills and then his estate goes to your sister and other siblings?
You need a good lawyer. You have nothing to lose the way you present your situation and perhaps something to gain. Please don’t remain in this very toxic situation. You also need a therapist.
Explore guardianship of your father. This way you could place him in an ALF with his own income. You can be paid to manage his care. The siblings will be notified. Great. If they want guardianship come and get it.
Your parents have left you in a difficult situation that ruins your life. Don’t waste your time feeling bad for yourself. Take action.
Also look into a care contract. Too late for all the work you have done but good for going forward.
What I am suggesting may sound hard but what you are doing is soul crushing.
Take care and come here to vent anytime.
I’m so glad you are able to work. You do have that to build on.
Hugs A10