Follow
Share

Mum is 81 in a care home refusing everything, eats on occastio a bowl of icecream or half a bowl or not at all hardly drinks, bedridden, doesn't acknowledged my visits if stirs just says 'I want to sleep' I'm at aloss with her I know what's coming and have been told I have anticipatory grief this has gone on for so long now, I love my mum and don't want to lose her but it's time I don't get how she's surviving,

Right, there's an abundance of heartbreak to share associated with ageing. I say have some ice cream for yourself, too! Or chocolate if that makes you happy. Make it a priority to find the most amazing and the very tastiest ice creams and/or chocolates available!! (Sounds like an enjoyable challenge.)
What about the idea of some kind of appetite enhancer for your Mum....perhaps your Mum's doctor can suggest something? I'd avoid CBD gummies because they're too unpredictable (unless your Mum's doctor can recommend or prescribe a specific CBD that's trustworthy.)
Happy Noshing!
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to LostinPlace
Report

Hi Jules22,
My elderly mother lived at an assisted living facility with COPD and Dementia. Like your Mum, she subsisted almost solely on coffee flavored ice cream and chocolate sauce for the last few years of her life. She lived fairly well for another 8 years until she was 89. She also took Zoloft.
I agree with the other posters who suggest that a prescribed anti-depressant may improve your Mum's outlook.
Best wishes.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to LostinPlace
Report
Jules22 Jan 28, 2025
HI thank you for your reply
Mum is on antidepressants and at first they did seem to help, she refuses the shakes with vitamin and will go days without food then days with small bowl of icecream then no food again, I try to encourage her and take her favourite biscuits and cake bars ect but she tells me to take them away, what little weight she has is just going even in her face now which is possibly the last place there was any weight left, its just so sad to watch if she was aware she'd be heart broken that she was like this and that I was going through this with her
(0)
Report
Don't be at a loss.
Your Mum is over it.
As a nurse I saw this often and my patients would complain loud and clear that their families would not and could not hear this from them, and would not accept it, and were constantly trying to ply them with happy pills and reasons to live and whatever food they thought my help them to eat a abit more.
The elderly get tired of life. You cannot imagine it now, but as an 82 year old I assure you it is true. It is too many losses, too much exhaustion. They have been her and done this.
Let her share this with YOU, not with some stranger who happens to be a nurse at the bedside.
My own father told me the same and could level with me. He told me he had had a wonderful and full and lucky life, but he was exhausted, and that he longed only for the last nap.

When you visit with Mom hold her hand. Tell her you are sorry it is all so exhausting now. Ask if she would like to talk to the doc about any anti depressant that might help, or would she just like to rest and wait. Tell her you love her and it's hard to see her wanting so to let go, but that you hear and see she is tired. Let her tell you she's ready. Accept it. Hold her hand. Ask if she would like just to listen to music, or if she would enjoy if you read to her.

This is what it comes down to at best, quite honestly. When your mom is gone you will be relieved that you don't have to stand witness to further losses and worry, and that she's at peace.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

Elders can go a long time if they aren’t expending a lot of energy. Your mom is still eating and drinking occasionally so brace yourself because this can go on a lot longer than you think, HUGS.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Bulldog54321
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter