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Hello! I am a 40 year old woman with an 83 year old male neighbor. Today he came over to visit me. A little into our chat he asks if he can hug and kiss me and touch my breasts. I told him no, I am married and am uncomfortable with his questions, I can be his friend only but nothing more. He seemed to accept this and we continued to talk. Then he asked twice more if he could touch my breasts. I told him no, that I was uncomfortable and needed to get on with my day and he left and said he understood.
I've known this man casually for a couple of years. We chat sometimes when I’m walking my dog. I’ve noticed memory issues as he tends to tell me the same stories many times. His wife was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and I’d brought him some promising articles I’d read. He seems to be a kind elderly man who is quite lonely. I feel bad for him and am uncertain what to do now. Should I contact his daughter whom I do not know and tell her about the incident in case it’s happened before? Should I tell any of his elderly female neighbors? I do not want to alienate him. He is very lonely. But I don’t want his female neighbors to be made uncomfortable. I feel a responsibility to my female community. I welcome advice!

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I told this story just the other day, a few years ago I ran into someone from my neighborhood with server deminita, most likely ALZ , he didn't know how to get money out of the ATM. I helped him. Then I ran into him again, he needed help counting his money. Then one more time, I followed him home, inconspicuously, found out where he lived, talked to some friends, one friend new where his daughter worked and , very nicely told her what I've been seeing. This man was out driving, shouldn't even of been out walking by himself. The daughter was very understanding and appreciated the call, and I never saw him out and about again.

I think every case is different, we did the right thing in this case. You just need to weigh you options, and decide the best thing to do.
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Reply to Drivingdaisy
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Let’s Look at this situation fairly. This man asked beforehand. He backed off when told no.Which, frankly, is more than u can expect for a growing number of men without dementia.

If OP does not want anything to do with the man, fine. But don’t go telling this to aps, to his family, and to everyone else.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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Amberlynne Apr 2, 2025
Thank you for your perspective! I appreciate it. I do agree that I do not want to alienate him from his family and neighbors. But I also notice some cognitive decline. His requests for affection were quite odd, pleading, almost childlike. I want his daughter to know in case she is unaware of the pace of his decline. From what I can tell, she lives far away and only visits a few times each year, so she may be a little out of touch with how he's doing. I hope it doesn't alienate him from his daughter, but if he is slipping faster than she's aware, I would hate for he and his wife, who has advanced Alzheimers to suffer. Thank you again for taking the time to provide your perspective 🙏🏼
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Call the daughter . Maybe she is not aware how Dad is . He can not be his wife’s caregiver anymore .
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waytomisery Apr 2, 2025
To clarify , I was thinking that the daughter may not be aware of his memory issues either . Please let her know , as collectively this couple both having dementia may not be safe at home .
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If you know if they have family please let the family know that this has occurred.
If both of them have dementia of some sort they are not safe living alone.
If you do not know if they have family or how to contact them I would contact APS and report the situation. (different then contacting the police for the behavior ...if you did not mention that he also may have dementia that would have been my suggestion)

I see further in your post that you do know they have a daughter...so yes contact the daughter. If she does not think it is a problem or you do not see anything being done then contact APS
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Amberlynne Apr 2, 2025
Thank you for your advice! I really appreciate it. I am going to try to get the daughter's contact information from a neighbor and let her know. I'm not sure if she is aware that her father's memory is also slipping and that he may be an unfit caregiver.
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This is called ISB (Inappropriate Sexual Behavior) aka hypersexuality, which can be part of dementia for some elders. Elderly women can get it also. Usually the only way to treat it is with medication.

I agree that the daughter needs to be contacted asap. Try to keep in contact with her so you know if she's doing anything to help her parents get proper care. Otherwise, I also agree the only solution will be to report him to APS over and over.

Yes, warn the neighbors. You should not be having any exposure to him for any reason. Dementia robs people of their judgment and inhibitions so you never know if he will just start acting out rather than asking first.
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Amberlynne Apr 2, 2025
Thank you so much for providing your advice! I will try to contact the daughter. I hope one of my neighbors has met her and has her phone number. If the situation stays the same, I will contact APS. And I'll keep my distance as well. Thank you again for taking the time to write to me 🙏🏼
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I would call the daughter. Tell her what you said here. He really should not be caring for his wife. If daughter does nothing and he gets worse, call APS.
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Amberlynne Apr 2, 2025
Thank you JoAnn! I will try to contact his daughter. I'm sure one of my neighbors has met her and likely has a phone number. I agree with you if his mind is also going, allowing him to care for his wife is unwise. Thank you again 🙏🏼
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It's not unusual, in a case like this, to mention it discreetly to neighbors so that they can avoid him. Many neighborhoods have a "handy" man! Even when I was a child, parents insisted we avoid old Mr. X, who was known to pinch little girls' bottoms. Yes! Warn your neighbors.

The last thing you should be worrying about is alienating him. He's not going to stop it, and if I were the one being propositioned, I'd stop being around him more than giving him a wave as you're backing out of your driveway.

Why? You never know if he's going to take it to the next level, which could be peering in your windows, in which case you call police. I knew a guy in his 70s who was a pillar of the community, on college board of trustees, owned his own business. He volunteered to help a neighbor fix her fire alarm system and installed in it a camera that communicated with his computer. She thought something was wrong and called police. He'd been watching her in bed, getting dressed and nude in her bedroom for months before they arrested him.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Amberlynne Apr 2, 2025
Thank you for this advice! I really appreciate your perspective and will mention it to my neighbors to make sure they stay safe 🙏🏼
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