Hello! I am a 40 year old woman with an 83 year old male neighbor. Today he came over to visit me. A little into our chat he asks if he can hug and kiss me and touch my breasts. I told him no, I am married and am uncomfortable with his questions, I can be his friend only but nothing more. He seemed to accept this and we continued to talk. Then he asked twice more if he could touch my breasts. I told him no, that I was uncomfortable and needed to get on with my day and he left and said he understood.
I've known this man casually for a couple of years. We chat sometimes when I’m walking my dog. I’ve noticed memory issues as he tends to tell me the same stories many times. His wife was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and I’d brought him some promising articles I’d read. He seems to be a kind elderly man who is quite lonely. I feel bad for him and am uncertain what to do now. Should I contact his daughter whom I do not know and tell her about the incident in case it’s happened before? Should I tell any of his elderly female neighbors? I do not want to alienate him. He is very lonely. But I don’t want his female neighbors to be made uncomfortable. I feel a responsibility to my female community. I welcome advice!
I think every case is different, we did the right thing in this case. You just need to weigh you options, and decide the best thing to do.
If OP does not want anything to do with the man, fine. But don’t go telling this to aps, to his family, and to everyone else.
If both of them have dementia of some sort they are not safe living alone.
If you do not know if they have family or how to contact them I would contact APS and report the situation. (different then contacting the police for the behavior ...if you did not mention that he also may have dementia that would have been my suggestion)
I see further in your post that you do know they have a daughter...so yes contact the daughter. If she does not think it is a problem or you do not see anything being done then contact APS
I agree that the daughter needs to be contacted asap. Try to keep in contact with her so you know if she's doing anything to help her parents get proper care. Otherwise, I also agree the only solution will be to report him to APS over and over.
Yes, warn the neighbors. You should not be having any exposure to him for any reason. Dementia robs people of their judgment and inhibitions so you never know if he will just start acting out rather than asking first.
The last thing you should be worrying about is alienating him. He's not going to stop it, and if I were the one being propositioned, I'd stop being around him more than giving him a wave as you're backing out of your driveway.
Why? You never know if he's going to take it to the next level, which could be peering in your windows, in which case you call police. I knew a guy in his 70s who was a pillar of the community, on college board of trustees, owned his own business. He volunteered to help a neighbor fix her fire alarm system and installed in it a camera that communicated with his computer. She thought something was wrong and called police. He'd been watching her in bed, getting dressed and nude in her bedroom for months before they arrested him.