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MEHuff, welcome to the forum. When my Mom (at the age of 98) was asking to go visit her parents, I had to use what is called "therapeutic fibs". I told her that her parents were visiting the old county, to which Mom smiled and said "that's nice".
Otherwise, if I had told my Mom that her parents had passed, she would grieve over and over if I gave her that answer each time. I wouldn't want to keep putting her through that, then having the Staff try to calm her down after I left visiting.
Sometimes a little white lie is kindest you gee brother went abroad and us travelling the world we don’t know where he is but he will contact us when he returns
Redirect her attention to something else. My dad passed last year. Mom always looks for him, asks where he is, what he is doing. I feel there is no sense to break her heart day after day by telling her the truth. She will forget 5 minutes later. Then we have to go through it again. Their minds tend to go back to times decades ago. She talks about taking the kids to my gma's to play with their cousins while the adults have coffee. I am 53. That was a long time ago. Lol She will tell me while not realizing I am that little girl all grown up. So it isn't a surprise that she brings up your brother. I'm sure it will continue. Redirect her or simply say he is working. Hope this helps.
Mom is starting to live in the passed. As was said "therapeutic fibs" are allowed and most likely will not upset her. ALZ is awful! Remember that she is not herself that this disease is now taking over her mind. What ever you do you want to keep her at peace and safe and keep you from getting frustrated. I told "therapeutic fibs" all the time up to the day my daddy died. It kept him calm and he didn't get scared about anything. Know that a prayer has been said for you! ((hugs))
If a person has Alzheimer's, they cannot handle this type of "truth." They will hear that their loved-one has died. Then, they will grieve, then, they will forget. Then, they will ask again, hear that their loved one has died, and grieve. Why would you continue to put them through that torture over and over again? They are already suffering with this disease.
Your mom might be starting to see people who already passed away. My mom was crushed when her sister told he that their aunt died a long time ago. Please don't tell her he died.
Whatever will make her feel good. 1. He is on vacation in XXX. He is excited to come back home to see you soon. 2. He is at the grocery store buying xxx for dinner. 3. He went to the park and will be back later. 4. He's getting flowers in the garden. He'll bring them in soon.
Anything that will make her feel good and that he is having a good time.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Otherwise, if I had told my Mom that her parents had passed, she would grieve over and over if I gave her that answer each time. I wouldn't want to keep putting her through that, then having the Staff try to calm her down after I left visiting.
you gee brother went abroad and us travelling the world
we don’t know where he is but he will contact us when he returns
Hope this helps.
Laurie
Then change the subject.
They will hear that their loved-one has died. Then, they will grieve, then, they will forget. Then, they will ask again, hear that their loved one has died, and grieve.
Why would you continue to put them through that torture over and over again? They are already suffering with this disease.
1. He is on vacation in XXX. He is excited to come back home to see you soon.
2. He is at the grocery store buying xxx for dinner.
3. He went to the park and will be back later.
4. He's getting flowers in the garden. He'll bring them in soon.
Anything that will make her feel good and that he is having a good time.
Gena / Touch Matters
You cannot continually tell them that someone has died, making them suffer over and over again.
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