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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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If your mother can't handle the truth of reminding her that he died 20 years ago, then you may have to tell her that he's at work, school, church or the like and should be home soon. Or that he's on a trip and should be home in a few weeks. Whatever keeps her calm . Because of your mothers dementia, she is now living in the past where your brother was still alive so of course she's looking for him now. Dementia sucks and there is nothing easy about it.
MEHuff, welcome to the forum. When my Mom (at the age of 98) was asking to go visit her parents, I had to use what is called "therapeutic fibs". I told her that her parents were visiting the old county, to which Mom smiled and said "that's nice".
Otherwise, if I had told my Mom that her parents had passed, she would grieve over and over if I gave her that answer each time. I wouldn't want to keep putting her through that, then having the Staff try to calm her down after I left visiting.
Redirect her attention to something else. My dad passed last year. Mom always looks for him, asks where he is, what he is doing. I feel there is no sense to break her heart day after day by telling her the truth. She will forget 5 minutes later. Then we have to go through it again. Their minds tend to go back to times decades ago. She talks about taking the kids to my gma's to play with their cousins while the adults have coffee. I am 53. That was a long time ago. Lol She will tell me while not realizing I am that little girl all grown up. So it isn't a surprise that she brings up your brother. I'm sure it will continue. Redirect her or simply say he is working. Hope this helps.
Mom is starting to live in the passed. As was said "therapeutic fibs" are allowed and most likely will not upset her. ALZ is awful! Remember that she is not herself that this disease is now taking over her mind. What ever you do you want to keep her at peace and safe and keep you from getting frustrated. I told "therapeutic fibs" all the time up to the day my daddy died. It kept him calm and he didn't get scared about anything. Know that a prayer has been said for you! ((hugs))
Your mom might be starting to see people who already passed away. My mom was crushed when her sister told he that their aunt died a long time ago. Please don't tell her he died.
Sometimes a little white lie is kindest you gee brother went abroad and us travelling the world we don’t know where he is but he will contact us when he returns
Why can't we kindly and gently tell THE TRUTH? And kindly gently redirect? Aren't there enough white lies that became black lies that became hidden and deceitful and actively still and have undermined all our families and relationships wherein?
It will not work because dementia means a broken brain rendering absence of judgement. It’s like telling a six month old baby. The baby does not remember anything a second later, so this analogy applies to dementia.
Is she a Christian? If so remind her that Christians live in the current World and will also live again with The Lord in the New World yet to come. Remind her to remember that The Good Lord called her younger brother home long ago to be with Him and that he is waiting for her to join him. Tell her he wants her to be happy for him because he is in a much better place and is eager to see her again when the Lord unites them once more only this time for eternity. May the prayers of all the saints be with you as you go about your mission.
Whatever will make her feel good. 1. He is on vacation in XXX. He is excited to come back home to see you soon. 2. He is at the grocery store buying xxx for dinner. 3. He went to the park and will be back later. 4. He's getting flowers in the garden. He'll bring them in soon.
Anything that will make her feel good and that he is having a good time.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Whatever keeps her calm .
Because of your mothers dementia, she is now living in the past where your brother was still alive so of course she's looking for him now.
Dementia sucks and there is nothing easy about it.
Otherwise, if I had told my Mom that her parents had passed, she would grieve over and over if I gave her that answer each time. I wouldn't want to keep putting her through that, then having the Staff try to calm her down after I left visiting.
Hope this helps.
Laurie
you gee brother went abroad and us travelling the world
we don’t know where he is but he will contact us when he returns
Then change the subject.
It’s likely the loved one lives in memory care.
1. He is on vacation in XXX. He is excited to come back home to see you soon.
2. He is at the grocery store buying xxx for dinner.
3. He went to the park and will be back later.
4. He's getting flowers in the garden. He'll bring them in soon.
Anything that will make her feel good and that he is having a good time.
Gena / Touch Matters