I have told him he can’t drive anymore. He accused me of keeping him jailed, even though I have said I would drive him in my car anywhere he wants to go. I already drive him to doctor’s visits. I won’t be in a car if he is driving. He barely shuffles around the house, so I know his reaction time behind the wheel would be slow. At the moment the battery is dead.
If you are listed as "Mr, OR Mrs. XXX" then you can sell it without his permission.
If you are listed at "Mr. AND Mrs. XXX" then he will need to sign the title to sell it EXCEPT if your PoA is active. You need to read the document to know what you are able to do and when your authority is active.
You can do what I did: I told my 95-yr old Mom who wasn't going to give up driving that she was going in for her free annual Medicare exam. I had talked to her doctor prior to the visit telling her about her dangerous driving. At that exam the doc gave her a cognitive exam, and the said she was going to order a virtual driving assessment through their OT department. At that appointment my Mom was given a MoCA test for executive function, which she failed with flying colors, and a physical reaction time test, which she also failed. Then the OT was the one to tell her that she was at high-risk in her driving and that her failed exams would be reported to the primary doctor who is mandated reporter and would send a letter to the Department of Public Safety who would cancel her driving privileges. THerefore, none of it was my fault. SHe was still angry but she couldn't be angry at me. I also got a letter of her diagnosis of cognitive impairment signed by her doctor, on the clinic letterhead, which activated all my PooA authority.
If all else fails, you must make the car disappear and keep the keys on your person. My Mom defiantly continued to drive for a while after that appointment. Then she secretly hid the keys so well that we could not find them, and also hid the title so I couldn't sell it (I just got a duplicate).
Tell him a therapeutic fib that the car is in the shop, the insurance is too expensive, whatever he will believe.
So for now, best to keep the battery dead, along with any other disabling to it that can be done, and of course hiding the keys.
And of course ask his doctor to write a letter not only to your husband but also the DMV stating that he can no longer drive.
You do NOT want your husband killing some innocent child/person because of him driving with a broken brain.
It is no different than someone driving drunk or high on drugs, and you would never be able to live with yourself if he were to do that and you allowed him to drive.
So do whatever you have to at this point to keep everyone safe on the road ways.
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If you don't fully understand your POA and hour with an elder law attorney will help you in understanding the rights and obligations therein.
This was a caused me a great deal of frustration with my father and his "driving dragon" phases. I went thru this with several physicians, even getting the cognitive test to prevent father from being able to revoke the DPOA was not a cake walk.
Remember until someone is determined to be incapacitated they can revoke a POA during their lifetime.
What did work was what the police told me when I visited the precinct for advise. They immediately asked if there were guns in the house!
1) contacting the DMV who has a specific anonymous form (they do not share who reported the driver but need to weed out revenge claims) to ask to have someone's ability to drive checked. It took some time but the letter came from the DMV asking to come into the agency, the appointment was missed and the license was revoked.
This is did not tame his "driving dragon" but I did sell the car with my DPOA - I was not listed on title. Each POA or DPOA is regulated differently depending on the state.
Remove the car from the house, say it is out for repairs, repairs too expensive to fix, insurance doubled and sell it. Try not to give to much energy to appeasing him or getting him to accept this by offering to be his personal Uber - it is not going to help much.
This is part of them being angry that they are loosing their independence, physical & mental capacity and having the target focus being on the driving license is just part of the process.
We had to remove the car advertisements pages from the newspapers since my father started calling dealerships and requesting cars be brought to the house. Or he was going to go to another state to get a license.
The following 4 years it would come up - the misery....the injustice....how could they make this mistake....., less and less but it was one thing on his hard drive that the dementia did not erase.
Good luck and stay strong. Hope you get a good price.
He has Parkinson's and needed my help to get to and into a vehicle. So, he was mad at me, but quit asking.
The fact that your husband's car battery is dead makes it even more complicated for him to want to drive. Stay strong.
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