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I have medical and financial POA over my 92 year old grandpa who is in an ALF. Just heard from an employee that he is planning to marry another resident there. This is the first I’ve heard. He hasn’t spoken to me since he was sent there in October except twice to threaten me if I didn’t get him out. I stay in touch at least once or twice a week with the nurses and staff. Now I wonder if this is his next ploy to try to hurt me. If he marries someone after his diagnosis of dementia can he change his POA/Will etc?

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My understanding is that if he has been formally diagnosed with dementia, your grandpa cannot sign or alter or revoke any legal documents.
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Reply to YaYa79
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If he has dementia, of course, he isn't capable of marrying, or getting a license to do so.
He is in care.
Laura, this is the time to go to his facility and speak to the admins about this.
They will reassure you that he won't be going for a license to marry, nor having anyone come in to the facility to throw a wedding.

I think you may be looking here at the confabulations of a senior with dementia, don't you?
Now, should this all look to be moving forward after you speak to admins, then this from the internet:
Question: Can a senior with dementia get married:
Answer: "The answer to whether persons with dementia can marry depends on their level of mental competence and understanding. If they are deemed to be mentally unfit to make a will, they cannot make a valid marriage contract either. However, the legal bar for getting married is low, and preventing a suspicious union relies on the registrar's judgment and confidence. If a person with dementia is sectioned under the Mental Health act, they lose the ability to make decisions on their own and need a representative with power of attorney.
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+3"

As you ALREADY have POA, you might--again, only if this is moving forward--consult an attorney. Your POA pays for this expert advice.
Do update us, won't you?
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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laura9574 Mar 17, 2025
I have a call out to the admin. She’s not as easily reached as some of the other staff but even allowing him to think he can marry someone makes me wonder if someone is trying to pull something on him
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If your grandpa has Dementia and your POA is invoked, you can stop a wedding from happening. And I would. They can have a pretend wedding to make them happy but I would not allow a formal one. It will effect both their finances and make it harder to get Medicaid when needed. Its a little more complicated when theirs a married couple.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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In all likelihood she is already married lol.

If he continues to insist, get with the admin and have a fake ceremony with someone who isn’t ordained.
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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I would encourage you to get his medical records and get to an attorney to find out what he can or can not do.

ALF means ALOT of different things and where I live, he would absolutely be able to get married if he is not deemed incompetent.

You really need local legal advice to how far you can go to protect him.

By the way, nobody has POA over another, you have POA for him and that means you have laws that you have to abide by when acting on his behalf.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Is he in assisted living or memory care? In memory care couples form and there are sometimes discussions of engagements, weddings, even imaginary pregnancies. As long as it's harmless (no inappropriate sexual involvement, for example), it's just talk. Sometimes one or both are still married. Sometimes they address their supposed partner by their deceased spouse's name. But check with the director, just to make sure that nothing genuine is in the works.

However, in assisted living residents are generally considered competent to make such decisions, unless they have specifically been declared incompetent. If your grandfather's POA has been activated to make you his agent, you must have the documentation to prove that he is not capable. But not all of the staff might know that, and outside parties (such as the woman, her family, and anyone they might go to including the court granting a license, or an officiant), might not know that. Or the woman and/or her family might know it but be taking advantage of him.

I think you need to investigate this further. Better safe than sorry. Make sure all the staff knows that he is not capable of any legal changes, including a marriage. Put restrictions, if you haven't already, on anyone taking him out of the facility without your permission.

Good luck with the unexpected situation. And I'm sorry about your grandfather estranging himself from you. Let us know how everything goes.

Do you live local to the facility?
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Reply to MG8522
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No. If he has the dementia diagnosis and your POA is active, he cannot legally marry without your consent. He cannot make financial or medical decisions either. He also cannot change his Will.

If I were you, I would contact the family or POA of the "bride-to-be" and tell them what your father is planning. I guarantee they aren't going to allow any weddings.

The AL can let them have a fake one that's not legal or official and Mazel Tov to the "bride" and "groom".
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Just a quick update. Said bride also has memory issues and told the staff she was scared of him so when they told him to leave her alone he came out with a knife and threatened to hurt himself. Apparently took 10 police officers to calm him down and Baker Act him. Now I’m told he can’t go back there so I will have to find another place that can accommodate his issues.
this is so draining and to top it off he blames me for ‘getting in her head’ but I don’t even know who she is!
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KNance72 Mar 17, 2025
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Wow, what an update. I’m so sorry for all of it. I’m hoping the medical staff at the hospital will be fully aware and supportive to find the right medications to calm this extreme behavior. He will need to move to memory care where there’s no access to knives and be much more monitored. Though he can never recognize it, he’s blessed to have you looking out for him
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Thank you for your update that Pop is now BAKER ACTED, Laura.

Now you know that he will no longer be appropriate for Assisted Living Facility.
Sadly, he now needs Memory Care and with the violence this is going to a difficult placement.
BE CERTAIN you do not accept him discharged to your own or anyone's care other than a facility that can accommodate and medicate.
We are talking Memory Care if he can afford it (and I know of none that will take him), nursing facility if he cannot and for the present he may require psychiatric facility with some trials at medication and medication cocktails to get him in a more calm state.

I do know they will check him for UTI but make certain, as his POA this is done sooner rather than later.
Good luck. Seems you have gone from frying pan to fire, and I am so sorry.
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