Mom, 80, is in memory care because of her delusions and hallucinations. Her memory is much better than the other MC residents, and she showers, eats, and toilets by herself. She is urinary incontinent. A psych tester said "some kind of dementia" and I'm guessing LBD or vascular are presenting more than AD.
Her roommate was in late stage dementia. In fact I'm not sure why she wasn't in skilled nursing, but I've learned over the past 8 years that the lines between stages are very blurry. She couldn't have a conversation with mom, she couldn't walk or do anything unassisted, she sucked her hands and her blankets and sometimes screamed. Mom couldn't stand her and constantly complained that she wanted her own room. The roommate died day before yesterday - I think it was cardiac arrest. Mom was with me in the parlor at the time, thank goodness. This has ramped up mom's delusions and she is calling me more, saying "When are you coming to get me? Did you buy that car for me? I can drive behind you. A man is going to try to get in my bed tonight. You said I'm staying with you for two weeks. Is your chin still draining?" Etc Etc Etc. (I guess she imagines I had an operation on my face...I'm not sure about that one.)
I go visit her 2 to 3 times a week. She goes on outings on their bus to get ice cream and look at holiday decorations. They let her eat meals in the assisted living dining room because she is more like that population socially. She is a flight risk because of her delusions, so she's in the memory care wing. A couple times a week she gets ornery and imagines situations and tells people off and tries to walk out the door. She'll say there are too many babies in the hallway, or staff is playing tricks on her, or someone stole something (which I always find in the nightstand).
Should I do anything different now that the roommate is gone? I told the staff that mom can pay for her own room, OR they can give her another roommate if they think it will help keep her from disappearing into delusions and showing up angry in the hallway.
Thank you. Christmas is hard.
At this time it becomes about safety and the cost of that safety. Memory care the only place to provide that safety. Perhaps talk to them about costs. I have worked both the financial and care sides of this. If it will save on costs and they deal with problems like this all the time in memory care, then consider it.
Everyone has a Mom and Dad. Mom provides the care and Dad provides the money for that care, or they combo it or just one will provide both, no one survives without these 2 things in one form or another.
Love and money, don't get to have one without the other. Mom and Dad, don't get to have life without the other.
The role reversed now. The one who gave you life now relies on you to decide about the care and love, and lucky her (and you), she has a loved one who cares enough to carry that out for her. Good luck.
If your Mom is on Medicaid or is paying for a shared room, then she will probably be getting another roommate as soon as they have a candidate. I would work on the meds issue first, then ask the admins if she's due for another roommate in the near future.
We should suspend Christmas when we have a LO in a facility. The staff can make it a decent holiday for the residents, but it's not a holiday for all of us who have to pretend we're enjoying it!