my mom is on hospice for liver/kidney disease. She’s been home the whole time while declining pretty rapidly. I work full time, am a single mom to a 16 year old. My sister is an RT at the children’s hospital and works 12 hour shifts. Everyone moved in here when mom started getting bad about 2 years ago. Now she can’t walk, needs assistance in and out of wheelchair, and all needs like meals, meds, cleaning etc. I expressed a year ago how difficult and maybe we should look for a place and was treated like I’m a monster.
well… here I am now. Exhausted. Depressed, worried I might lose my job bc I can’t escape the endless needs to even do my job. Tonight in order to stop mom from falling I threw my back out. Oh and I have the flu. She’s yelling for me every hour to bring her something, or bathroom trip, or just because as my sister has to work in the morning. I’m done. I’m hurting sick and I can’t do this anymore. My son is going out of control bc I can’t even go for a walk with him without 4 texts and 2 hysterical phone calls. How can I get my sister and my mom to LISTEN TO ME? I thought maybe call the hospice social worker? Or her nurse? It’s going to end up with me losing it. I don’t want mom to feel like a burden. I’m ruining my own life trying to do the job I said at the beginning I’m not capable of doing with my situation.
i just don’t know what to do.
I also have my boss coming over to move assets before entering into a LTC facility. He’s a CPA and financial advisor so I’m pretty sure he’s going to transfer everything into a trust.
I hope you can decompress now, get some urgently needed rest, and spend more time with your son. Let us know how you're doing. (And stay firm if your sister wants to back out of the plan to place her.)
If your sister, mother, or anyone else refuses, tell them that they can either figure out another solution and/or take part in the meeting with hospice and go along with what they recommend. Remember, hospice people deal with this ALL the time. Disability and end of life IS their full-time jobs. They have seen thousands of cases. You are dealing with one. Don’t martyr yourself further!
I can't know if this is hospice care you got because you require some extra hands-on help, or if your mom truly is now close to death. If the latter is the case, then your current burnout DOES have an ending, and I hope that you will at that end be able to gather yourself together and stand relieved that this torment is over for your mother and yourself.
The place now to discuss this isn't really with a Forum of strangers. We here have been around the Forum for several years, have seen, read, and in some cases gone through it all. If you stay you will read a lot, and that will at the least help you to know you aren't alone in your desperation and despair. But if you need REAL solid beneficial help, you can't find it from us. HOSPICE is where you go to discuss this. Ask first about Respite; that is available with hospice and will give you a week to catch your breath. There may also be in-facility hospice available if you cannot go on. And if you end up broken and in the ER yourself then you CANNOT go on, right?
I wish you the best. I am so very sorry. This is such tough stuff with so few solid answers for help. We do see people who are broken, and who in fact die before the cared for loved one. You must know when this is no longer sustainable, and you must at that point place your elder for your own survival.
You did a great job keeping her home as long as you did, but it is now time for a nursing home. She needs 24/7 care.
Do you have a home to go back to? If so, then go, with your son. If not, find someplace affordable for now, even if it just an airbnb, while you make a long-term plan.
Your mother and sister will have to work with the social worker and nurse to get additional in-home care or to place your mother in a nursing home.