My 83 yr old Dad has dementia and Parkinson’s. Mom, 80, wants to take him to a memorial service for her brother in a major city 6 hours away by car. My Dad currently has 24 hr/day caregiver service through an agency at home to assist with ADLs and mobility issues. My sister and I don’t think it’s a good idea. But are there options out there to have a caregiver basically drive them to and from this service 6 hours away? Likely a 2 night stay away from home. What would this look like? I’m sure money can buy anything, but I’ve got no idea where to start to even explore if this is even feasible. Thanks.
Your Dad won't remember the service and in fact may be disruptive during the service. This is what happened with my 90+ yr old Aunt with advanced dementia when we brought her to her brother's funeral service: she couldn't talk in a whisper, couldn't hear (or comprehend) what was being said so was getting worked up about it, tried to get up out of her wheelchair, was saying inappropriate things loudly then getting mad when we tried to quiet her... basically caused an unwelcomed distraction and we wound up removing her anyway. Even with a familiar family tender, she did poorly.
Maybe tell your Mom his doctor is very against it for all those reasons.
If Mom wants to do this , let her figure it out . You do not have to support this .
Get Dad in respite care a few days, and Mom should take a plane, not drive 6 hours alone (and emotionally upset). She needs someone to accompany her! Do the driving, or help her check in the airport, get her to her motel, help with luggage. Then get her safely to the Memorial, and get home safe.
That will be expensive enough as it is. Either you or your sister will be the likely companion for this trip. At 80, Mom should not be driving alone 6 hours, navigate the Memorial alone, and get home safe. She definitely needs a companion.
A companion to support Mom at the memorial if possible .
Hopefully Mom is willing to do it this way .
My LO would decide in mid-ride in a car that he wanted to get out, and then he'd try to open the door, which he succeeded in doing a couple of times. Put child lock on - then he made a ruckus because he couldn't understand why the door wouldn't open (car in motion at the time). One time at a public restroom, I went in to help him unfasten his pants, which he could no longer do, and he started to scream "NE NE NE NE!" at the top of his lungs. Must have been his version of NO NO NO NO. Anyone would have thought I was molesting him - and he apparently thought that too. We ended up not using the rest room and I drove home at breakneck speed hoping that he wouldn't have a BM along the way. Before these incidents, there was no indication that they would happen. New and out of the blue!
Accept who your dad is now. Don't cave to mother's wishes. Let someone else accompany her to brother's service. Or maybe you can talk her out of going altogether. You could request that it be videoed, and she and others could enjoy it at home.
but the point is moot. Dad entered hospice, so we won’t be attending the memorial service.
This leaves the caregiver free to do what you are paying them to do. Plus when the CG takes the Dad to the toilet, that driver can keep an eye on mom.
Right now is kinda slower season for car service as it’s the lul after Holidays/Bowl games to the Spring wedding and graduation season. You should be able to get a pretty good rate,
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