I am all of the above for my neighbor with full blown dementia because she has no one else. Those who should be doing it were incapable and doing more harm than good, so I agreed when she asked for help. She is quickly declining, and I am doing everything possible to do right by her. I've recently incorporated in-home care, which she is fighting, but she also "does not want to leave her house yet" for assisted living (I've shown her places to dispel the "old folks home" preconceived idea in her head). I'm losing steam and am not in a position to keep doing this for much longer due to my own life, health and mental health. I've been threatened by her stepchildren, who do not understand why she isn't handing them the keys to the kingdom and/or accept that she isn't capable of having a phone conversation once in a while...where they try and manipulate her and end up upsetting her or confusing things that I have already settled. Anyway, she needs to be in a facility, and I don't know how to go about forcing the issue and don't know that it is up to me to do so. She would be broke if I hadn't stepped in when I did, and I have found her benefits and such that no one else had bothered with. I have eyes on her daily and give all medication. I cannot go on much longer without losing my mind - I'm convinced dementia is contagious.
And you cannot quit guardianship even if you want to without a judge allowing you to, and they never do allow it. So be thankful you don't have that.
The family may file for guardianship. That will cost them money. If so you will be called before the court to defend why the person chose you rather than family, and to present all your accounts of every penny into and out of her accounts.
You should likely see an attorney for advice here.
Contact the Attorney that drew up the original paperwork making you POA. Find out if the wording gives you the legal authority to make those decisions. If not then Guardianship would be necessary.
Generally "the Court" wants family to be Guardian but if that is not possible then friends can be appointed. Or the Court would appoint one.
With Step Children involved this might get nasty so I would do everything you can to "CYA" (cover your butt)
If you physically can not continue then placing her in a facility now is the best thing that you can do for her and yourself.
If you can't handle being your neighbors POA, then you can go see a lawyer to step down, and let her family or the state take over her care and become her guardian.
However, her family can challenge you legally by asserting that you have abused the Power given to you. It doesn't have to be true, but you could have to defend yourself from accusations in court or with APS.
Being a Co-Trustee is a separate process. Who are you co-trustee with? What is in the Trust? Did she give you a copy of the Trust documents?
You could end up losing from both ends, if she objects to whatever assistance your provide because she's stubborn and has illusions of being more capable than she is, and if her family continues to challenge.
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to scare you, just pointing out that I think you are justified in giving up the POA and stepping down as her agent. This is a lot of work and responsibility to expect from someone who isn't a family member, especially when you face opposition from the family.
It's admirable what you've done already for her!
I suggest that you meet with the lawyer who set up the documents for her, and ask how to surrender the authority. (Ask whether the bill should properly be charged to her, as you were there on her behalf, or to you, since you were also there on your own behalf.) Ask what should happen next. Should you report to APS that she is a vulnerable adult who can't manage on her own? (That seems appropriate to me.)
Let us know how it all goes.
If your neighbor is a danger to herself or others, cannot do her ADLs enough to be able to safely live on her own and is refusing outside help, then you will need to pick a facility and work out a therapeutic fib to get her in there. Many facilities will be happy to participate in this -- it won't be there first rodeo.
Once you get the diagnosis in her medical records her loser step-children will have less or no teeth to cause you problems. However I would consult with a certified elder law attorney so that you aren't blind-sided by anything. The step family probably thinks you're after her money and want to preserve their perceived inheritance and you probably think the same about them. The smell of money causes people to make poor decisions and do ugly things.
I wish you all the best as you work to find the best care for her.
So, it was a bit of relief and a lot of disgust. I am approaching things differently with her knowing this and knowing there isn't a damn thing I can do but keep trying to help her until my head explodes, I have a nervous breakdown or I need to be put somewhere myself.
I did ask the doctors - what do other people do as I cannot be the first person that has run into this, and all I heard was crickets. Sigh.
As my husband states over and over, no good deed goes unpunished. Damn me for caring.
WALK AWAY.
What, we all die. WE ALL DIE. I can say that for certain at 83. Let her do it all her way wherever she chooses to do it.
Stop enabling her manipulation and punishment.
Go with your hubby and have a GOOD TIME and a GOOD LIFE and if you are wise you will never suggest guardianship again to her or anyone else. AWFUL job even for someone who is cooperative. Impossible otherwise.
If you continue to mix in this no one will thank you.
It will be your choice, and she will be the very LAST to ever thank you.
You will get "the call." It will be Hospital or Coroner, and if the latter then GOOD. She will have lived her life her way and be at rest.