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Who are you caring for?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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@Sandandtired... You hire help for YOURSELF. You can even introduce them as your friend "Betty" Start off with the person is hired to help you so that you can do more for your husband, While the hired caregiver is helping you do laundry or doing the dishes you realize that you have to run to the store to get a gallon of milk. While you are gone the caregiver can help your husband for a bit. the next week, you go get your hair done or go to the store and do some shopping. As your husband begins to trust them more it will be easier to get him to allow help. You might even tell him that YOUR doctor has said that YOU need to take it easy because your back or knee or shoulder needs to "rest". "Therapeutic fibs" come in handy and can be used in many instances.
But at some point it may get so that you can not care for him for any number of reasons. (and the reasons don't matter to anyone but you). That is when you make the decision to place him. I can tell you he will be angry. He may even say he hates you, or that he will die there (we all die). As I have said in other posts making the decision to place someone is not easy but it comes when you realize that their care is more than you can manage at home.
Yes , even before dementia set in Mom did this . She also lied at the hospital ( more than once ) and said she lived with me ( she didn’t) and that I did not work ( I did) , in order to get discharged .
Like already mentioned , I too would sit behind Mom at doctor visits and shake my head yes or no .
Nurses, whether you see them in the doc's office or they are visiting nurses, DO get lied to regularly. I know this both from BEING a nurse back in ancient times, and from actually LYING to them (albeit somewhat "white lies"). Now I DO walk a lot, but whether it is quite so far as I tell the nurse, ummmmm, probably not. And what old gal wants to say "No. I am NOT doing my exercises. No, I am no longer safe to play with the stove".
Some seniors actually THINK they are doing better than they are. And some confabulate. After all, what is the outcome if you admit you are not doing well? They will swoop down on you, right? Suggest placement, and etc.
I think I can reassure you that most doctors and nurses are somewhat used to prevarication and sort of "plumping up" our exercise and walking activities. Especially if they know their patient over a bit of time.
You meet with patients every day, as a nurse, who either make it sound a good deal WORSE than it is or a good deal BETTER. Much of this has to do with the patient's own "dealing-with-life-style" and some has to do with their fear of what happens when/if they admit the awful truth. I wonder if in your OWN case, here, you can tell us which you think might be the case, and what is happening here with your loved one. I would love to hear about "the visit".
With my Mom I sat in on her appts. With her Neurologist, I sat out of her eyesight. He would ask her a question and then peek a look at me. I then would shake my head yes or no. I also went to the appts with a short jote telling him of any changes since the last appt. 1, 2,3 in 14 font and double spaced so easy to read. Short comments. This was given to the receptionist who gave it to the doctor. This helped him in asking certain questions.
the question is are YOU lying to nurses or medical staff or is the person with dementia lying? If you are lying to staff, let's say a facility to get a different placement so the cost is lower that does not help your LO. If your LO is lying to staff about what they can still manage to do and your LO has dementia I do not really think that is lying. A person with dementia may think they can still do those things. If you have been "helping" this person manage then they may actually think they can still do these this because you are "helping". If this is the case it is your job to make sure that the people that need to know the actual cognition, ability are able to discover the truth. this can be done by sending a note in the patient portal, a written note that is given to the staff when you show up for an appointment, sitting behind the person and giving the medical staff visual cues that the patient is not telling the truth. and a tough one...let the person "fail" by not doing everything for them. If need be report them to APS for self neglect, this can be done more easily if they are still living alone thinking they are "independent" and resisting / refusing help.
I just wondered. I have taken care of everything 24 7 for quite some time now. He will not let anyone else help except for me his wife. I work my a.. off every day. He refuses any extra help from anyone
Yes, although if the person to whom you refer is your LO and has dementia -- they are not lying on purpose, they truly believe they can still do those things.
I strongly recommend educating yourself about dementia so that you can have a better understanding of what it is, how it changes our LOs and why. I got a lot of very helpful info from watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube, especially strategies for how to better engage with my LO for more peaceful and productive interactions.
I also found this to be helpful:
Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible (because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to accommodate the caregiver. Hands-on caregiving is a demanding responsibility on every level. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care and solutions must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You hire help for YOURSELF. You can even introduce them as your friend "Betty"
Start off with the person is hired to help you so that you can do more for your husband,
While the hired caregiver is helping you do laundry or doing the dishes you realize that you have to run to the store to get a gallon of milk.
While you are gone the caregiver can help your husband for a bit.
the next week, you go get your hair done or go to the store and do some shopping.
As your husband begins to trust them more it will be easier to get him to allow help.
You might even tell him that YOUR doctor has said that YOU need to take it easy because your back or knee or shoulder needs to "rest".
"Therapeutic fibs" come in handy and can be used in many instances.
But at some point it may get so that you can not care for him for any number of reasons. (and the reasons don't matter to anyone but you). That is when you make the decision to place him. I can tell you he will be angry. He may even say he hates you, or that he will die there (we all die). As I have said in other posts making the decision to place someone is not easy but it comes when you realize that their care is more than you can manage at home.
Like already mentioned , I too would sit behind Mom at doctor visits and shake my head yes or no .
Some seniors actually THINK they are doing better than they are. And some confabulate. After all, what is the outcome if you admit you are not doing well? They will swoop down on you, right? Suggest placement, and etc.
I think I can reassure you that most doctors and nurses are somewhat used to prevarication and sort of "plumping up" our exercise and walking activities. Especially if they know their patient over a bit of time.
You meet with patients every day, as a nurse, who either make it sound a good deal WORSE than it is or a good deal BETTER. Much of this has to do with the patient's own "dealing-with-life-style" and some has to do with their fear of what happens when/if they admit the awful truth. I wonder if in your OWN case, here, you can tell us which you think might be the case, and what is happening here with your loved one. I would love to hear about "the visit".
If you are lying to staff, let's say a facility to get a different placement so the cost is lower that does not help your LO.
If your LO is lying to staff about what they can still manage to do and your LO has dementia I do not really think that is lying. A person with dementia may think they can still do those things. If you have been "helping" this person manage then they may actually think they can still do these this because you are "helping". If this is the case it is your job to make sure that the people that need to know the actual cognition, ability are able to discover the truth. this can be done by sending a note in the patient portal, a written note that is given to the staff when you show up for an appointment, sitting behind the person and giving the medical staff visual cues that the patient is not telling the truth.
and a tough one...let the person "fail" by not doing everything for them. If need be report them to APS for self neglect, this can be done more easily if they are still living alone thinking they are "independent" and resisting / refusing help.
I strongly recommend educating yourself about dementia so that you can have a better understanding of what it is, how it changes our LOs and why. I got a lot of very helpful info from watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube, especially strategies for how to better engage with my LO for more peaceful and productive interactions.
I also found this to be helpful:
Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible (because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to accommodate the caregiver. Hands-on caregiving is a demanding responsibility on every level. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care and solutions must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.