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Some years ago my brother had a stroke. He eventually was kicked out of his apartment as he could no longer hold a job. We moved him from CA to AZ.


He's not a bad fellow, but extremely mysogonistic. He has some cognition loss, i.e. double-dosed his medication (which I now control), leaves my doors open endangering my dogs, shoes on the wrong feet, but extremely intelligent to the point of irritation when he "flaunts" it.


I don't think I can take him much longer but he has no one else to care for him. I love my brother, but I do not like him in the least. What are my options?

How old is your brother?
Is your brother on SSDI?
Is your brother on Medicare? Medicaid?
I would say that your brother can be placed, if he medically qualifies, on Medicaid if needed, and in care. Level of care would be dependent on assessments.
You say that you yourself are disabled?
What are your disabilities?
Do you own your home or live in an apartment your brother shares with you?
What care workers for each of you have you reached out to you.

It has to be clear that we are just caregivers ourselves, and aren't familiar with either you or your brother, what assistance you currently have and what might be available to you in your state, but those who are your own Medical and care teams will be.
I would lean on them for assistance now; it sounds you have reached the level where you cannot personal care for your bro.

I am sorry for all you're going through and wish you luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Lala, have you checked into board and care homes?

Arizona has thousands of facilities and the board and care tend to have better pricing and resident to caregiver ratio.

I would Google senior placement and go to your counties council on aging, they have resources and are happy to send you the list.

If he can self pay, and some are priced that you can self pay on disability, he doesn't need to be physically disabled.

Oh, I want to encourage you to put him in his place when he starts in. He needs you and you DO NOT need to accept his ugliness, period. If he doesn't like it, there's the door.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Sometimes in life we have to make decisions fid ourselves-for our own sanity
your brother has a negative effect on your life/your emotions/your well being
If he was that intelligent he’d realise that and change-not carry on as he does.
look at what care options are acailable
Speak to your doctor and tell him you can’t cope anymore and can he recommend a course of action- or seek legal advice
find out your options and set plan in motion so that when it happens it isn’t dragged out
it sounds like he can be a bit manipulative
This hasn’t anything to do with you loving him - you do but can’t live with him- two separate things.
he needs to leave
Find out options and timescales then you tell him this was never a permanent arrangement and you’re finding living with someone stressful. Youve looked into options and xx is available
And can take you in xxx date
is there someone around who can be with you when you have this conversation?
be prepared for possible unkind words - hopefully that won’t happen
it’s best it happens asap before your health deteriorates
he will learn to adapt where ever he goes- part of life
best wishes
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Reply to Jenny10
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My brother will be 66 and is on SS Disability and Medicare. My disabilities are a compression fracture in my spine causing me to use a cane, along with depression and anxiety due to my inability to do so many things that used to satisfy me as well as mitigate my ADHD. I have a service dog and I own my home, and he lives here. 

I applied for an assisted living resource for him but he was eventually denied because his “physical” disabilities were not severe enough and they do not consider the mental issues at all, though that is the cause of the disability (doesn’t make sense, I know.)

Thank you for responding. I will reach out to his medical team and see what they can suggest and go from there. There are just some days that spiral me, and this week has been one of those. 

Good luck to you as well.
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Reply to Lala2025
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dkiely33 Mar 30, 2025
It might help to add this info to your original post so everyone will see it.
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Having no one to care for him should not be your problem.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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Lala2025: Perhaps he requires residence in a board and care facility.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Talk with his doctor who can point you to other living situations. If doctor can not help, look for social services for assistance.
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Reply to Taarna
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If he's mostly mental, he needs a Board & Care home. If he can handle eating, bathing, etc. on his own, just not "mentally" able to live alone. My Nephew had mental issues and was lazy, so couldn't keep a job. He's been in different B&C homes for years, and he's 56 now. He does fine in them. B&C is more of a "family" atmosphere, usually a married couple runs them, out of a large home with enough rooms. He may have to share a bathroom, which he already does now. They provide breakfast and dinner, laundry and housekeeping. They can give him rides to Dr. appts, or personal errands. There are other people there to talk to. He may like bragging to new people.

Modern Assisted Living in a facility means he has his meals, housekeeping and laundry done for him. If he needs "mild supervision" (his meds for example) they assist with that. I'm amazed the one you tried said he wasn't "disabled enough?"

Go online and Google "Board and Care near me." They are cheaper than regular facilities. Find a few near you to go check out. When you find a few good ones, sit him down and tell him he needs to move. Give him whatever reason you want, since it is YOUR HOUSE, not his. Your Doctor said you need peace and quiet, less stress, whatever. He's not your responsibility anyway, especially an adult man older than you. He has enough income to afford his own place somewhere else. If he throws a fit, he gets evicted, period. I'd tell him he can do better, he'd be around other men, to encourage him to leave. Otherwise he gets evicted, to protect your own health, end of story.

Hopefully he has been paying you good money for room and board, plus be his Sister Slave. Unless he constantly helps you around the house, pays you good room and board, and cleans up his own mess...he needs to GO. You need peace and quiet. I'm sure your dog is better company anyway.
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Reply to Dawn88
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