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My 80-yr-old brother is mostly bedbound. He has lived in the same RCFE (board & care) since 2021, and his caregivers take good care of him. He has an active delusional mind, and imagines himself working on a farm, going to classes at Berkeley, or going out to eat with "co-workers" while in reality, he is unable to leave his bed.


He prefers male company. Lately, he's been making suggestive remarks to his male caregivers and trying to make his cooperation (for routine things like diaper changes or blood pressure checks) conditional on "favors" like inappropriate touching. One of the caregivers is more stressed about this (and maybe less skilled in deflection) than the others.


I'm not sure what I can do about it, except maybe bring it up with my brother's doctor. Thoughts?

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I don't understand the responses here suggesting a female caregiver instead of male. It is still unwanted behavior, and unlikely to matter who the subject is.

I do agree with the responses that trained caregivers should understand the patient's condition and unwanted behaviors, and should have experience in how to manage such behaviors.
If one (or any) of the caregivers is stressed by this and does not know how to manage it, they should not be placed in a position to take care of him.
While caregivers should know how manage it, they also should not have to do a job in which they feel uncomfortable, and don't have the experience to manage it professionally.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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Talk to the doctor. He needs to be cared for by female caregivers, have a plan in place for dealing with his undesirable behavior, or be placed on medication to curb this behavior as much as possible.
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Reply to Taarna
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Questor: Caregivers are trained in dementia behavior patterns.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Caregivers are well trained in knowing that this is delusional thinking that is a part of a mind riddled with dementia.
You count on their professional manner to address it.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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You can't do anything about it but ask his doctor. This aide that's stressed out, maybe he should not be caring for Dementia patients. My daughter is an RN in a NH and knows how to handle the Dementia men.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Ask doctor for medication to calm this behavior. Caregivers deal with a lot and if understandably uncomfortable with this, certainly deserve not to deal with it
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Perhaps you should try female caregivers?
There is a stage of dementia where there is more acting out. It passed in my DH aunts case (my only experience). I think there is medication to assist based on previous posts. So do speak with your brothers primary.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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